


As You Are

by TragicLove



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Barista Taylor, Brother/Brother Incest, Drama, Family Drama, Lawyer Zac, Lies, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-01-07 14:06:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 28,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18412172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: Zac was only 13 when his parents kicked his older brother Taylor out. Now 33 and a successful lawyer, he moves to The Big Apple to track down the brother he hadn't seen in two decades. What started as just a little white lie to ensure Taylor would meet up with him spirals when Zac realizes there might be more in between them than brotherly love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic was an accident. The idea wiggled its way into my brain and wouldn't go away, so despite all fic being on hiatus for the month...this happened. Whoops! Enjoy and let me know what you think, it fills the writing tank!

I hadn’t seen my brother in years. Not since my parents had kicked him out, accused him of being a bad influence on me and my younger siblings. Why? Because he was - is - gay. Okay, there might have been the weed habit and the occasional cocaine bender, but it was mostly because he was gay. Forget that he was only 15 and was going to all night drug parties. No, no. Diana and Walker Hanson had a problem with the fact that he liked to kiss boys. I could be corrupted with drugs and alcohol, but don’t bring your homosexuality near me, because _that_ would definitely be the thing that lead to my eventual slide into hedonism. 

It had been twenty years. Twenty birthdays, twenty Christmases, twenty calendars thrown into the trash. The only thing I knew about what happened to Taylor after he’d left home was that he’d gone to New York City and lived in some ‘artists village’ which my parents were pretty sure translated to a crumbled apartment with far too many people squished into it. My Mom had grumbled something about fire code and STD’s, but at the time I was too angry at him for leaving me to think much about any of that.

At first he’d send a postcard once a year, just to let them know he was alive, but eventually even those stopped coming, and we stopped hearing from him all together.

I’d done a lot in the twenty years since I’d seen Taylor. I graduated valedictorian from my high school, went on to a four year Ivy League and studied law, graduated top of my class, finished law school early, and within five years I’d opened my own law firm, employing eight other defense attorneys. Some people were of the opinion that defense attorneys were the lowest of the low, but I had to say that it more than paid the bills and it was never anything short of interesting. I love what I do, and when the opportunity to open another firm in Manhattan fell in my lap, I jumped at the chance. 

I didn’t even know if Taylor was still there, so I did what any overpaid lawyer would do and I called in a favor from a private investigator that I often worked with. It took him almost no time to trace Taylor to a shitty apartment in the Bronx, and only slightly longer to figure out that he worked at a busy Starbucks in the middle of downtown Manhattan - coincidentally one block from where I’d be opening my firm and two blocks from where I was living.

I’d been in New York for two weeks and I’d spent every waking hour overseeing contractors, painters, furniture delivery people. I wanted to be sure that the office was exactly what I wanted it to be. I had a vision, and I’d be damned if it didn’t come out exactly as I wanted it, and as they say, the boss gets what the boss wants.

I’d brought my favorite secretary with me, thanking God that she was unmarried and had no kids and could just up and move halfway across the country. I’m sure the large raise didn’t hurt. But, I’d be spending a lot of time interviewing new lawyers over the coming weeks, cultivating what I wanted to be sure would be Manhattans best defense firm. 

I hadn’t had any time to find Taylor, but now I had a beautiful one week reprieve before interviews started, and I planned to head to his Starbucks first thing in the morning. I wasn’t sure what I’d do once I got there, all I knew was that I was going. But right then? Right then it was almost eleven o’clock at night, I’d been in New York for two weeks with no human contact outside of contractors, and a man - even one on a mission - had needs.

I collapsed onto my bed, vowing to decorate my bare walls soon, and turned my phone on, loading up Tinder and immediately swiping left on the first guy who showed up on my screen. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention…with all that worry about Taylor’s gay being catchy and sending him away, I wound up that way myself.

I spent five years married to a woman who by all intents and purposes should have been the woman of my dreams. She checked all the boxes. But, I found myself realizing more and more, year by year, that she just didn’t _do it_ for me. We parted ways amicably and last I heard she’d married some rich guy from Texas, and I have more money than I’ll ever know what to do with and I can have sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, so I guess we both won in the end. 

I swiped left on a handful of other guys, none of them my type, and then his face filled up my screen. I only recognized him from the few pictures my PI had given me, but it was unmistakably him. Dirty blonde hair, a little longer than it was when the picture I’d been given were taken, eyes so blue they nearly knocked my socks off. I didn’t remember them being that bright, but it _had_ been twenty years. He seemed to be growing out a beard, and to me it didn’t suit him, but it wasn’t terrible. Jordan H, it said underneath his picture. I suppose that meant he was going by his given first name now, for whatever reason. I felt comfortable enough with the fact that I was using a pseudonym on my profile and the assumption that he wouldn’t recognize me, that before I even thought too much about it, I swiped right. 

I know, I know. He’s your _brother_ , you’re saying. I didn’t swipe right with the intention of sleeping with him. I swiped right with the hope that he’d do the same and I could set up a meeting. If I could just get him somewhere, then he’d have to talk to me. And the plus side of not having to ambush him at his place of employment was a bonus. 

.8 miles away, thats what the screen told me. Right that second, my brother was less than a mile from my door. We were in the same city, within a one mile radius of one another, for the first time in two decades. I found myself sending a prayer up to a God I stopped believing in a long time ago that he’d find me on there and see something in me that would make him swipe right, set us up as a match, so I could set up a meeting with him. I was so excited at the prospect of seeing him that I shut the screen of my phone off and tossed it down on my bed, my intended search for a bed partner for the night effectively cancelled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are short, so I figured I'd throw another one up. (My patience is also short, so here we are.)

The first thing I thought when I walked into Taylor’s Starbucks was that it was absurdly busy. The entire place was packed with people, some sitting at tables with laptops or stacks of paper, some sitting with other people and chatting, many standing in the line to order or the one to pick up, each and every single one of them looking impatient. 

I’d never been a coffee drinker, so spending all this extra time in lines for something that I assume people could easily make at home never really made too much sense to me, but I joined the back of the line, my eyes scanning over the menu for something I could drink that might taste good enough to me that I wouldn’t mind spending so much money on it. 

Just as I reached the counter I’d decided on a plain, black iced tea. I told the barista as much, my eyes moving over the area behind him, searching for Taylor. I didn’t see him anywhere, but my PI had definitely told me he worked the morning shift Monday through Friday, so I knew he had to be there. I was thankful that he hadn’t been the one to take my order, but I was dying to lay my eyes on him. 

I paid and moved over to the other portion of the counter and waited for my drink. It took a ridiculously long time for something that I assume they just pour out of a spigot, but eventually it showed up, they called my name, and I grabbed it. 

I sat down at a table near the door where I could see pretty much the entire counter and the space behind it. He had to be there and he had to come out in to the front sometime. I had no idea what I planned to do if and when he did, I just knew that I needed him to. I had to get some kind of award for waking up at seven in the morning on my day off, and just a glance of Taylor felt like prize enough.

I was just about to get up and toss my now empty cup in the trash and leave when the door opened, a gust of wind coming into the room, and then there he was.

“Sorry!” He shouted to the other baristas, tying his apron around his waist. “My bus was late!”

His hair was falling into his face and his cheeks were bright pink. He looked almost nothing like the fifteen year old boy I had once known, the only thing he seemed to have in common with that boy from another life was his long, spidery legs and flushed face. 

He breezed through the space and behind the counter, then through a door into the backroom. I found myself sitting there, waiting for him to come back out, to just get one more look at him. 

A few minutes later, he did just that, coming back to the other side of the counter, a paper towel balled up between his hands. He tossed it under the counter into what I assumed was a trash can and then tapped on the screen of the register a few times. I watched him let out a breath and then look up at the line that was still absurdly long.

“I can help whoever is next!”

Half the line migrated to in front of his register and my view of him was completely obstructed. I stood up and walked to the door, catching one more glance at him before I walked back out into the early morning air.

\- - - - -

I felt energized after I saw Taylor, so I did a little shopping before heading home. I bought some throw pillows and a few small pieces of art work for the walls, a bunch of silverware I was sure I’d almost never use and a clock for the wall in the kitchen. I didn’t wager on how difficult it would be to walk home with all of my newly purchased household items, and I felt pretty stupid getting into the taxi and telling him to drive me exactly two blocks over, but I did, juggling all of my things into my building and into the elevator with a precision I wasn’t aware I possessed until then.

I was just finishing up hanging the clock on the wall when I heard my phone go off from the kitchen counter. I wiggled the clock to make sure it was solid and then climbed off the step ladder, folding it back up and tucking it into my pantry. 

I grabbed the phone, expecting a text from a client, but instead my eyes fell on a Tinder alert. We’d matched. My heart started racing, another alert coming in quickly, a message from him. I swiped the alert open, the couple seconds it took my phone to load the message far too long for me.

_Looks like we matched. Nice to meet you, Jax, I’m Jordan. But you can call me Taylor._

My eyes ran over the message several times, taking it in word by word. He obviously hadn’t recognized me since he had called me by my fake name, a hold over from an old hookup who drunkenly told me that if he squinted and turned his head to the side I could pass for Jax from Sons of Anarchy. As false as I found his claim, it had flattered me enough that it’d stuck with me.

My thumbs hovered over the keypad for what felt like hours. I had no idea what to say to him, but I couldn’t say nothing at all. All of this would have been for nought if I didn’t follow through. I _had_ to follow through.

_Nice to meet you too, Taylor. As you know, I’m Jax and you can call me Jax._

I sent the message and then swore under my breath. Lame. I felt under pressure and it had turned my words lame. I was sure he’d never respond again and I’d ruined the change I had to get him to meet up with me, and then the next message came through.

_haha, you’re funny Jax. Cute too. How does meeting up sound? A date?_

A date sounded awful, but meeting up sounded like exactly what I wanted to do.

_Meeting up sounds great. How does tonight sound?_

It only took seconds for him to reply.

_I can’t tonight :( but tomorrow is open. How does 7 sound. Do you like coffee?_

Seven o’clock sounded terrible. I didn’t want to wait that long. It had been twenty years, damn it. But, I also wasn’t going to push and look needy. So I typed a message letting him know that seven was great and coffee sounded perfect, even though it wasn’t and it didn’t. Less than thirty seconds later he responded with a couple of smiley faces and the address of the Starbucks I had been in earlier that day. I found it a bit strange that he’d want to meet his Tinder dates at his workplace, but it could be a matter of safety, so I shrugged it off, responding with ‘it’s a date,’ and completely unable to hamper the smile that spread on my face when he responded that he couldn’t wait.


	3. Chapter 3

The entire next day I felt like I was buzzing. I may have drank a few too many Mountain Dews, but I was almost positive that the buzz was coming from the fact that I knew that within mere hours I would be sitting at a table across from the brother who I hadn’t seen in two decades. I had thought about this day for so long that now that it was here I was almost at a loss for what to do with myself. 

Did I walk in and instantly tell him who I was? Hope that he was as happy to see me as I knew I would be to see him? Did I keep that bit of information to myself for a few minutes, let us make some introductions, get comfortable around each other and then hit him with it? It didn’t seem like there was any clear cut right answer for me, so somewhere around four o’clock in the afternoon I’d made the decision to play it by ear. 

I must have gotten dressed and re-dressed half a dozen times. I’d started with a graphic t-shirt and then decided that was too casual. Moved on to a crisp white button up and decided it was too formal. I’d eventually settled on a plaid button up over a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. By the time I shaved off the stubble I’d been neglecting and arranged my long hair to give it the illusion that it was at all tamed, it was pretty much time to go.

Taylor had messaged around five-thirty to make sure we were still on and I had confirmed. He told me to just pick a table and he’d find me when he walked in, so when I arrived at the Starbucks, I ordered myself another overpriced iced tea and sat at a table in the far corner, hoping that we’d have at least a little bit of privacy. 

I was only there about ten minutes when he walked in the door. He was fixing his shirtsleeves as he walked across the store, and I got the impression that he was always fidgeting with himself. He smiled when he saw me and walked over to the table quickly, holding his hand out when I stood to greet him.

“Jax?” His smile grew when I nodded and smiled myself and he shook my hand softly before sliding into the seat at the table across from mine. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too,” I smiled, my heart working to hammer it’s way out of my chest cavity. “Do you…want a coffee?”

“Yeah,” he smiled again. “I’ll get it…they, uh, know me here.”

He tapped my shoulder as he walked past me to the counter and I watched as he leaned over it, chatting with the girl that was working behind it. She made quick work of his coffee order seemingly without him having to even tell it to her and before I knew it he was back in his seat across from me, smiling and sipping from his cup.

“You’re not a New Yorker,” he grinned, looking me over. “I can tell by your accent. Where are you from?”

“Missouri,” I lied quickly - and to my shock, easily. “Just moved here for work. Were you born here?”

I knew the answer, but I figured the best way to do this was act like I’d never met him in my life, since as far as he was aware, I hadn’t. 

“No,” he frowned slightly and then recovered quickly, smiling again. It was a wonder his face didn’t hurt. “Oklahoma. Long story. I’ve been here for…oh, it’s gotta be like eighteen years now.”

_Twenty_ I thought to myself. _Twenty years, four months and sixteen days._

“That must have been an adjustment. You must have been young.”

“Fifteen,” he shrugged. “Like I said, long story, and not even an interesting one. What about you, are you adjusting?”

“As well as I could be,” I shrugged. “It’s a lot more fast paced here, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.”

“What is it that you do for work, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I’m a defense attorney. Own my own firm back home, actually. Got an offer to expand out here, so here I am.”

“That must pay well.”

“You could say that,” I responded. Wasn’t it rude to talk about money on the first date?

“So,” he leaned back in his seat, taking another sip of his coffee. “I guess it’s best if we just have the uncomfortable talk right off the bat, right? So that if we’re not looking for the same things we don’t waste each others time.”

“Oh,” I felt my heart speeding up again. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to deal with this, and I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought ahead about it. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I’ll tell you right away, I’m not looking for some meaningless hookup. I mean,” he shrugged a shoulder. “I like sex as much as the next guy. Actually,” he grinned. “I love sex. But, I want more than that. Do you want more than that, Jax?”

His use of my not-name shook me out of my thoughts and I found myself nodding at him.

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. “Yeah, I definitely want more than that.”

“Great,” Taylor grinned again. “I know we just got here, but I feel like we could have fun together.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”

\- - - - -

We spent the next three hours sitting at that table, a couple more drink cups piling up in front of us, talking about anything and nothing. He told me about living in New York, how he’d come really far since he’d first got there and had been living in an apartment with twelve other people. I couldn’t help but think back to what my mom said, and I pictured a crumbling brick building stuffed with artistic types just trying to make a living.

He stayed away from any mention of who he was or where he came from before he got to New York. It seemed to me like he was doing his best to forget that a Taylor Hanson had ever existed outside of New York, and I found that I couldn’t really blame him. I knew that our parents had put him through hell, and I knew that I wouldn’t want to go back there, either.

When we finally decided to part ways for the night, we walked outside together. Night had fallen but the lights shining down from all of the skyscrapers around us was enough to illuminate the entire block. He smiled at me suggested we go out again, and I agreed. We set a date for the next night.

“It’s soon,” he said. “But, I really like you, Jax. I feel a connection here.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Me too.”

If only he knew.

\- - - - -

The walk back home was short and pleasant. I kicked my shoes off and fell back onto my couch, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I already had a message from Taylor, he must have sent is as soon as we walked in opposite directions.

_I really enjoyed myself. It’s so nice to meet a guy who wants more than just a hookup._

I smiled and shook my head, sending him back a me too and a smiley face. We’d left it open for the following night, he said he’d message me during the day and let me know where we should meet, and I was fine with that. He was the New York expert, I could barely find my way around yet, I was perfectly comfortable letting him take the lead.

I leaned back and navigated to the main page of Tinder, swiping left through a handful of guys before one caught my eye. He was slightly tanned with big brown eyes and just long enough to not be short brown hair. I swiped right, taking another look at his profile. It was clear to me from what I saw there that he was looking for exactly the opposite from Taylor. This guy wanted a hookup, and I was fine with that. In fact, it was exactly what I needed. 

Within minutes he’d matched me and sent me a message. We talked back and forth for a few minutes and then he asked if he could come over. I thought about it briefly before deciding that him coming over was fine with me. 

He was .2 miles away and when I gave him the address he sent back a smiley and ‘be there in five.’

I had just finished downing a glass of water when the knock sounded at my door. I opened it, the man standing there the exact match of the photo on the app. We exchanged hellos, him stepping into my apartment. The door was barely shut behind us when his hands landed on my hips and his mouth on my own.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up in the morning with a crick in my neck and the distinct feeling that there was another body in my bed with me. When I rolled over, he was laying there - Nick, I had learned his name was at some point. He was still asleep, his hair covering his eyes, one arm thrown up over his head.

I climbed out of the bed and moved towards the bathroom. I started the shower and stripped off my boxers, tossing them in the hamper, and stepped into the hot stream of water. 

By the time I finished showering and made my way back into my bedroom, he was gone, a note on the pillow where his head had been before I’d left the room.

_That was fun. Do it again soon?_

With his phone number scrawled underneath. I picked the paper up with the intention of throwing it in the trash, I didn’t see any need for repeat offenders or growing attachments to anyone, I was here on a mission, after all. But, I thought better of it and tossed the note down on my dresser instead, pulling on some clothes and heading for the kitchen.

I grabbed a Red Bull and pulled my shoes on, shoved my keys in my back pocket and made sure I had my phone, and then headed out. 

I had planned on walking over to the office, thumbing through the stack of interview files that had piled up on my new desk, but I found myself instead walking into Starbucks and joining the line. An iced tea didn’t sound like a terrible way to start my day.

Taylor arrived behind the counter at the first register when I was halfway through the line. I watched him smile and make small talk and take peoples orders. Never once did I see him frown or look like he’d rather be anywhere else. I tried to imagine myself in his position, serving people day in and day out, dealing with the way the American public somehow collectively decided that people who serve us our food and drink should be treated as below the rest of us. I couldn’t imagine being in his place, and more than that I couldn’t imagine doing it with the air of ease that he was, as if he loved every interaction that he came across. 

I made it to the front of the line, Taylor’s eyes on the register in front of him.

“Hey there, can I-” he looked up and his eyes met mine and for a split second he looked confused and then a smile spread across his face. “Hey, Jax.”

“Hey,” I smiled. “Figured I’d stop in here for an iced tea, it’s on the way to my office.”

“That not enough for you?” He grinned, nodding towards the open can of Red Bull in my hand.

“Guess I wanted something a little calmer once I finished.”

“Gotcha,” he laughed. “Okay, so iced tea…what size and how do you want it?”

“Biggest one you’ve got, just black.”

“Sweet enough already, huh?” He grinned up at me and punched something into the register. “It’s on the house. See you tonight?”

“You sure? I can pay for it.”

“I’m sure you can, with that lawyer salary,” he laughed. “But, really, it’s on me.”

“Alright,” I looked at him for a second and then smiled. “See you tonight.”

“You can get your drink over there,” he motioned with his head towards the pick up counter. I pulled a five out of my pocket and shoved it into the tip cup.

“Thanks, Taylor,” I smiled and moved out of the line. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him the whole time I waited for my iced tea. When my name was finally called I forced myself to look away, grabbing my iced coffee and heading out the door.

\- - - - -

“This is an awfully large pile of potential hires with almost nothing screaming at me that any of them are worthy,” my secretary, Hannah, was on speaker phone. I was sitting at my desk, over two dozen files laid out in front of me.

“You said you wanted someone straight out of law school,” she responded. I could hear movement in the background and I had to imagine she was settling into her new apartment. “That’s what happens when you want someone with no experience, Zac. You’re going to have to go on instinct, trust that they’re worth it. Do you want me to find some more candidates. I can come into the office today. I still have a stack the size of the Empire State Building that I haven’t gone through.”

“God, no,” I groaned. “I’ll get through these and then if I need more, you can go through the rest.”

“Sounds good, boss.”

“I’ll check in tomorrow, I’m going to schedule these interviews. How does next Monday to start sound? I’ll need you here for when people arrive.”

“Sounds great, that’ll give me time to finish all this bullshit at home. You know, I’ve always said that a woman doesn’t need a man. I’ve lived by life by that mantra. So, if Ikea would stop making it so hard to assemble their god damn furniture without one, I’d really appreciate it.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. Hannah was one of a kind. I had scooped her up in her final year of school, the year after I opened my firm. She came in to interview for the position she was in now, and I almost didn’t hire her because of her outspokenness and overly blunt personality, but I’d spent every day since thanking God that I had. 

“You don’t need a man, Han. You’re one of those…what are they calling them these days? Boss babes?”

“Don’t ever,” she groaned. “Call me that.”

I laughed again and told her I’d call her tomorrow, both of us hanging up.

\- - - - -

I’d spent a few hours combing through the files, making three piles out of them. One for scheduling an interview, one for back ups and one simply titled ‘absolutely not.’

I’d just gotten through with my first round of phone calls, six interviews scheduled for the following Monday, when my cell phone lit up from the corner of my desk. I smiled when it was a message from Taylor and slid it open.

_Off work! How’s Central Park sound? You ever seen the John Lennon memorial? You strike me as a Beatles Guy. Meet there in two hours?_

I had no idea where Central Park was in comparison to my office, or how I would figure out exactly where within it the John Lennon memorial was, so I did some googling, figuring out exactly where I’d have to go and how long it would take me. Then I shot a message back to Taylor agreeing.

_Great. Don’t eat first. Great food trucks in the area._

I smiled, putting my phone down and arranging my desk to some semblance of tidy. Hannah had the habit of reminding me constantly that I was a bit of a mess, but I thought I was what you could call and organized mess. I knew where everything was, even if it wasn’t pretty to look at. 

I stepped outside and looked up and down the long street my office was on, quickly deciding that today wasn’t the day I wanted to get lost in Manhattan, so I locked the office door and stepped to the curb, holding my hand out at the first cab I saw.

“Central Park west,” I said to the cab driver, buckling my seatbelt. “Uh, 71st street…I guess.”

“Where you tryina go?” The man spoke with a heavy New York accent, his eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror.

“John Lennon memorial?”

“Gotcha,” he nodded once and pulled out into traffic. 

We made the drive quickly, I was amazed at the way he could navigate in and out of the heavy New York traffic. I didn’t have a car in the city, and in that moment I was quite sure that I never wanted one. I was sure I could rely on public transportation, walking, and cabs. Driving in this every day was likely to give me a heart attack.

We pulled up alongside the curb and the drive leaned back in his seat.

“’s right there,” he pointed out his window. “$12.90.”

I handed him fifteen bucks and told him to keep the change and hopped out of the cab. I walked onto the pavement leading into the park, quickly seeing the circular memorial etched into the pavement. I didn’t have long to take it in when my eyes settled on a body standing at the base of it, his head was turned down, looking at the design, but I knew it was him, and somehow, I guess he felt my presence or something, too, because he turned, his face morphing into a huge smile.

“You made it,” he walked the couple of feet to meet me and hugged me quickly before letting go. “Have you ever seen this? It’s awesome,” he turned back and headed back towards the memorial, black and grey and perfectly installed into the pavement, the word IMAGINE in big black letters in the center.

I tried to tell myself that the way the butterflies let loose inside of me and the way my heart rate had sped up was because of the memorial for a man who’d made such a huge impact on the world, but there was a little voice in my head telling me that I knew. 

It wasn’t Central Park or the word Imagine or the greenery surrounding us. It was just him.


	5. Chapter 5

“There was this guy,” we were walking around the part of Central Park called Strawberry Fields, Taylor talking animatedly. “They called him the Mayor of Strawberry Fields. He was a huge Beatles fan, spent most of his time out here, decorating the memorial with all sorts of stuff, telling Lennon’s story to visitors. He was pretty cool. I used to spend a lot of time out here, I don’t get to come by as much anymore.”

“What happened to him?” I asked, glad for even such a small insight into what Taylor’s life was like before.

“He died,” Taylor frowned. “I think it was 2013. Cancer, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Rumor has it that Yoko loved him. She used to come down here, I guess. I’ve never seen her here.”

“Are you a big Beatles fan?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Grew up on the stuff, kind of stuck with me. I guess it’s the only thing I really took with me from home.”

_You don’t say,_ I thought to myself, nodding as he spoke. 

“In My Life was my first favorite song. It still hits me in some special way when I hear it.”

“Really?” I smiled. “It was mine too.”

“Weird,” he grinned over at me, stopping when we reached the memorial again. “See that building over there?” He pointed across the street at a huge Renaissance style building. “That’s the Dakota. That’s where he was killed, right in the entry way.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen pictures. It’s stunning in person.”

“Sure is. I love the style.”

“Me too,” I agreed, following him as we walked across the street towards the building. 

“People still gather here on the day he was killed. It’s become a thing over the years. It’s funny how we can miss someone we’ve never really known, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I looked over at him, taking in his profile, the swoop of his nose, the way his hair fell in his face. I felt like I’d never really _known him_ , but I’d spent my entire life missing him. I shrugged the thought away, he was here now. We were here, together, even if he didn’t exactly know it.

\- - - - -

We’d been together for hours when we found ourselves sitting side by side in the grass of Central Park, styrofoam containers of taco truck tacos next to us.

“You were right,” I smiled over at him. “Those were delicious. I’m glad I didn’t eat.”

“Better and cheaper than any restaurant,” Taylor grinned. “I’m glad you liked them.”

We sat in the quiet for a little while, watching a group of kids run around and play a little ways down in the park. It was peaceful here, the kind of place you’d want to come and walk your dog, if you had time to own one. 

“How do you feel about a drink? Or do you have to get home?”

I thought about it briefly, weighing my options. We’d had a perfect evening and the last thing I wanted was anything to happen to put a stain on it, but I also didn’t want to stop spending time with him. 

“A drink sounds great,” I smiled, pushing myself up off the grass and brushing my pants off. I held a hand out to him to help him up and he did the same.

“There is a great bar right around the corner, come on.”

We walked out of the park and down the street, Taylor talking about something or other that I couldn’t quite focus on. We turned a corner and walked a little ways down the street and then Taylor stopped, pulling open the door to what I assumed was the bar.

We walked inside, Taylor saying hi to several people. It became clear to me quickly that he was a regular there. Everyone was happy to see him, which made me feel happy. It seemed to me like Taylor’s life was far from the fire code danger and STD haven that my mother had imagined for herself and much closer to the life almost anyone might want.

“Hey Taylor,” a pretty brunette girl in what was clearly the bars uniform skipped up to us. “Usual table?”

“You know it,” Taylor grinned and the girl lead the way to the back of the bar and out onto a patio. She brought us to the table in the corner and then looked down me at once I sat.

“I’m Sara, I’m your waitress,” she smiled. “I know what this guy wants,” she motioned to Taylor. “How about you? Need a drink menu?”

“How about just a rum and coke?”

“Well drinks are four bucks tonight, or you want the good stuff?”

“Oh, the good stuff,” I grinned. “I’m getting a little too old for well liquor…the next day always feels terrible.”

“I hear that,” she laughed. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

The patio was gorgeous, one of those places that just _felt_ good. The tables and chairs were dark wood, a high dark fence draped in twinkle lights surrounding the patio. There were a couple metal fire pits on either side of the space, giving it a warm feeling to go with its warm look. 

“This place is great,” I smiled over at Taylor. Each table was set up with two chairs on one side of it so you were sitting next to your companion for the night and I found myself briefly wondering how many guys Taylor had taken there before I convinced myself that it didn’t matter. 

“Yeah, I love it here,” Taylor leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs out underneath the table. “I usually come here alone, you should feel honored.”

It was almost as if he’d read my mind and the thought horrified me. If only he was aware of everything going on up there, I was sure he’d get up and flee from the table and I’d never see him again. 

“Totally honored,” I said, Sara appearing with our drinks and setting them down in front of each of us.

“Call me if you need anything, boys,” she smiled and waltzed away inside.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Taylor glanced at me over the rip of his drink cup. “How’d you get into law, especially defense? Isn’t there a stigma that comes with that?”

“Oh, yeah,” I shrugged. “But, I love it. Not everyone who needs a defense attorney is guilty. And, you know, the ones that are are still afford the right of good representation.”

“Definitely,” Taylor nodded. “Have you ever represented someone who was truly evil?”

“Sure,” I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. “There was the guy who was on trial for murdering his wife and their four kids. He was totally guilty and he didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t. He hired me for the sole purpose of making sure he didn’t get the death penalty. I guess he was find with taking lives, but not with giving his own up. So we did what he had to do and we managed to get him life plus twenty. He’ll never see the sun again.”

“Does that make it hard to sleep, like, when you’re defending someone who is clearly a monster?”

“No, because he still got what was coming to him. Death isn’t a punishment, that guy deserved to rot on the inside of a solitary confinement cell for the rest of his life. He’ll see their faces every time he closes his eyes until he’s hopefully taken by old age.”

“Wow,” Taylor breathed out. “I never thought about it that way.”

“Most people don’t,” I shrugged again. “I have represented people who were truly innocent, though, and I’ve gotten them off, and that helps me sleep at night, for sure.”

Taylor nodded, taking a long sip from his glass. 

“What about you? I know you work at Starbucks, but there must be more to it than that,” as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. I didn’t want Taylor to think I was putting his place of employment down, I was just sure that wasn’t all there was for him, and I wanted to know what it was.

“I’m in grad school. Little late, but better late than never, right?” He laughed quietly. “I want to get into TV production.”

“That sounds cool.”

“Yeah, it’s fun. I just finished an internship with NBC,” he smiled. “They liked me so hopefully once school is finished…”

“You’ll be the next Matt Lauer?”

“Oh, no,” Taylor laughed again, shaking his head. “I never want to be in front of the camera. Behind the scenes is for me.”

“I could see you in front of the camera,” I said before I could stop myself. He smiled and leaned towards me.

“Does that mean you think I’m hot, Jax?”

“You…” I stammered, shaking my head and then laughing. “I mean, you’re undeniably beautiful. You must know that.”

His cheeks flushed and he looked down into his glass and then back up at me.

“It’s weird, I was thinking the same thing about you.”

\- - - - -

We spent a little less than three hours at the bar, Taylor insisting on paying our tab. His face had adopted a permanent blush, and his eyelids were a little bit heavier than before. We made it outside, stopping at the corner, Taylor turning to me.

“Do you need to hail a cab? Have you done that yet? It’s like a contact sport in this city sometimes.”

“I have,” I laughed. “It’s been easy for me so far, thankfully.”

“Just you wait,” Taylor wagged a finger between us, grinning.

“What about you? Do you need to catch a cab?”

“Nah,” Taylor shook his head. “I’ll take the subway. You’re midtown, right?”

“Yeah,” I raised an eyebrow.

“Just figured since you were so close to me while I was at Starbucks. Figured you were at home.”

“Oh, right,” I nodded. “Well…I guess I better get going,” I motioned toward the street.

“Look, a taxi!” Taylor smiled and rushed towards the curb, holding his hand out. “Caught ya one.”

“Thanks,” I laughed, shaking my head and meeting Taylor at the curb. He pulled the door of the cab open and waved his arm towards the backseat, bending low. I laughed again, walking around him, each of us on opposite sides of the door. “I had a good time.”

“Me too,” Taylor said. “Can I see you again? Soon?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think so.”

He smiled and then before I knew what was happening, he was leaning over the door, his mouth pressed softly against mine. His lips just lingered there for a second and I was frozen to the ground below me, completely unable to move a single part of my body. He drew back and then leaned and and kissed me again, just as soft.

“Good night, Jax,” he smiled and turned, and all I could do was watch him go.


	6. Chapter 6

I spent most of the night awake, running over the events of the evening in my mind. We’d connected, I knew we had. I should have told him who I was, I should have let him decide if he wanted to continue to get to know me, have a relationship, one we should have been fostering and growing for the past two decades. But, I hadn’t. I’d let him think I was some random transplant to New York, and I’d gone out with him twice and I’d let us build a connection that wasn’t at all the one we should have been working on.

And now I was one hundred percent positive that he _liked_ me. Not as brother, not as a friend. But actually _liked_ me. He’d kissed me and I’d swear in a court of law that my lips were still burning, branded from where his had touched them. 

I think I’d finally drifted off somewhere around four in the morning, sleeping fitfully, until finally waking up for good again at just past eight. I took a shower, dressed myself and managed to whip up a quick breakfast in the kitchen I’d yet to use until then. I ate and washed my dish and my pan and then my phone dinged, a message from Taylor coming through.

_Can I have your phone number? I feel like we’re at texting status. Correct me if I’m wrong._

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. I sent him my number and within seconds an iMessage came in.

_Guess who!_

_No idea. Couldn’t possibly begin to guess._

_Funny. Hows brunch sound? Too much? Too soon? Should I wait the requisite three days before contacting you…oh, damn, too late._

I felt a warmth growing in my chest and I forced myself to believe it was just because this was my long lost brother and now he was here, and we were talking and getting to know one another. But, I knew that in the short time I was asleep, I’d been dreaming of him kissing me and then kissing me again. I dreamed of his body covering mine, hovering over me, that dirty blonde hair falling in his face. I woke up the hardest I’d been in a while and I’d almost thought about attempting to scrub my skin off in the shower, but then instead I found my hand moving over myself, my eyes squeezed shut as the hot water rolled over me, the memory of his mouth on mine throwing me over the edge.

I didn’t know what it meant, and I didn’t want to know what it meant. I was confused, that was all. He _was_ the most attractive man I’d ever been kissed by, of course my mind was turning that into something else. 

But, he was my brother. My big brother who had left home when we were just kids, and I was determined to know him. I’d go to brunch and I’d tell him. I’d let him know exactly who I was before this thing got taken way too far. I just hoped it hadn’t already.

\- - - - -

I walked into the brunch place that was about a five minute walk from my house, surprised by how fancy it looked. I don’t know what I was expected, but live foliage inside the restaurant was not it.

I spotted Taylor at a small round table near the back of the room and smiled when his eyes met mine. He waved and I walked over, putting my phone face down on the table and sitting across from him. 

“Afternoon, nice out, huh?” 

“Beautiful,” I smiled. “This place is nice.”

“Yeah, I come here sometimes, makes me feel fancy,” he grinned. “It’s family style, they’ll bring out a big platter of eggs and sausage and bacon and waffles. All delicious, of course. And, I took the liberty of ordering us bottomless mimosas,” he motioned to the carafe filled with pale orange liquid between us and the two empty champagne glasses. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“I’ve never met a mimosa that I’ve minded,” I laughed.

“Man after my own heart,” Taylor’s face was set in a perpetual smile and I found my own face fighting against me to be the same. He filled our two glasses and handed one to me. “To new beginnings,” he held his glass up and I clinked mine with his, smiling despite the pit that was forming in my stomach.

\- - - - -

I’d lost count of the number of carafes we’d gone through somewhere around number four, the both of us full on food and what was probably cheap champagne and cheaper orange juice. All thoughts of coming clean to Taylor were whisked away somewhere along with my sobriety, completely forgotten. We were leaning back in our chairs, talking about nothing and enjoying each others company when the waitress brought the check by. I snatched it up just before Taylor grabbed it and slid my credit card into the holder before even looking at the bill. I placed it on the end of the table, covering it with my hand and brushing off Taylor’s protests.

“You got drinks last night, it’s my turn,” I smiled.

“Alright, but I’m going to make it up to you,” he nodded his head. “Soon.”

The waitress came back and took the bill, returning within a minute. I left her a hefty tip and we stood, me following Taylor out of the restaurant.

“So,” he turned to me once we were on the street, that pink blush back in his cheeks. “I feel like we’re spending a lot of time together, and I’m not normally like this, but…” he shrugged, smiling. “Got anything to do? I’m free for the rest of the day.”

I should have said no, made up some excuse. The more time we spent together under these false pretenses, the harder it was going to be for me to rally the bravery to tell him who I was really was. But, I didn’t want to not spend time with him. I wanted to keep talking, laughing, getting to know each other. 

“Wanna go back to your place?” He asked and then chuckled. “I swear I have good intentions. Lets, like, go get some more champagne and watch movies or something.”

“That sounds great,” I sighed happily.

“Come on, theres a liquor store right across the street!”

We crossed the street quickly, coming back out of the liquor store with three more bottles of champagne and a gallon of orange juice. 

“My place is this way,” I lead him back across the street and towards the corner. We’d made it onto my block when Taylor reached in between us and took my hand, tangling our fingers together. I looked down at our hands clasped and felt a knot growing in my throat, but when I looked up at him he was smiling at me and the dread was replaced with joy at seeing him so happy. He squeezed my hand and I smiled back, leading him to the door of my building. 

We walked inside and to the elevator, each of leaning against the wall behind us.

“I’m glad we both swiped right,” Taylor laughed quietly just as the doors opened onto my floor.

“Me too,” I replied, stepping off the elevator and moving towards my door. 

I unlocked it and held it open for him to walk in ahead of me. He let out a low whistle while he looked around, making his way to the kitchen and dropping the brown bag from the store on the counter.

“Nice place, Mr. Big Shot Lawyer,” he smiled across the counter at me and pulled a bottle of champagne out of the bag. “Glasses?”

“I probably don’t have anything fancy,” I moved around the counter and pulled two pint glasses down, putting them in front of us. 

“This will do just fine,” he smiled again, popping the bottle and laughing when the cork shot across the room.

\- - - - -

It was dark in the apartment, the only light coming from the TV, empty glasses and champagne bottles on the coffee table in front of us.

Taylor was leaning against me, our shoulders pressed together, his hair brushing against my cheek. I realized he’d drifted off to sleep when he let out a muted snore, making me laugh softly. 

“Hey,” I whispered, turning my body and shaking his shoulder lightly. “Tay. Wake up.”

“Hmm?” Taylor shifted, his eyes opening slowly. It seemed like it took him a few seconds to figure out where he was, but then he did, and he smiled at me, his eyes opening all the way. “I fell asleep.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “You should head home.”

“Jax,” he said quietly, reaching out and putting his hand on top of mine.

“Yeah?”

“No one has called me Tay in a long time,” he was still speaking quietly, his eyes moving between each of mine.

“Oh, sorry,” I felt myself blush, my brain swearing at my stupidity. “I guess I-”

“No,” he shook his head, leaning towards me. “I liked it.”

He leaned in slowly, his eyes closing, his hand moving up to my jaw, and then his mouth was on mine again, his lips slowly moving against my own. Every warning sign in the world was shooting up inside of my head, my inner voice screaming at me to stop him, push him gently away, explain to him exactly why he couldn’t be kissing me on my couch. 

I don’t know why, then, my hands landed on his waist and I kissed him back, our mouths lazily exploring one another until he sighed, easily parting my mouth with tongue. 

We kissed for a few minutes, Taylor eventually pulling away and meeting my eyes again, a lazy smile on his face.

“Can I stay? My place is a pretty far trek.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, standing off the couch. “Come on.”

We walked to the bedroom, each of us eyeing the other for a moment before stripping our pants off and climbing into the bed. Taylor rolled towards me and moved my hair out of my face, his fingers lingering behind my ear.

“I know we met on Tinder and everything,” he said quietly, his eyes drooping shut. “But I don’t want to have sex with you…not yet.”

I said nothing, watching his eyes as they roamed my face, his lips just slightly parted, chest rising and falling. 

“I don’t want to ruin it,” he continued. “There’s something special here.”

I nodded, my fingers wrapping around his wrist, his fingertip trailing over my jaw. He leaned his face up and kissed me again and then rolled over, dragging my hand over his side as he did.

I laid there for a bit, considering pulling my arm away, climbing out of bed and spending the night on the couch. But, the rhythm of Taylor’s breathing was comforting and the warmth from his body was peaceful, and as I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I thought to myself that this was fine for now, it was just fine for now.


	7. Chapter 7

When I woke up, Taylor was gone. I didn’t expect the banging of my heart inside my chest at the sight of the empty side of the bed or the pillow without his head on it, but it only took me all of ten seconds to convince myself that I’d done something wrong and he’d ran out of my apartment and my life before I even had the chance to apologize. 

I reached for the nightstand and picked up my phone, rubbing my eyes with my other hand. When the phone came into focus, my heart settled down seeing that I had a text from Taylor. I slid it open and smiled to myself.

_Had to go to work. Didn’t want to wake you, you looked too peaceful. Dinner later???? Or do you need a break from me._

I scolded myself for being so dramatic and then typed out my response, hitting send when I finished.

_Dinner sounds perfect. I’m sure no one could ever need a break from you._

Quickly a simple response came in, just a single line of three x’s. I smiled to myself, shutting the phone screen off and tossing it down onto the bed beside me. I rolled over and pulled the blanket up over my head, some more sleep sounded perfect. 

I woke up a couple of hours later to my phone ringing beside my head, the loud trill making me wince.

“Hello?”

“Hey sweetie,” my moms voice came through the line. “How’s New York treating you. You haven’t called.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” I sighed, rolling onto my back. “It’s good, though.”

“Have you…have you run into your brother?” Her voice took on the odd tone it always did whenever Taylor was mentioned and I found myself rolling my eyes.

“No,” I lied. “I haven’t had time to do anything. Setting up a practice from top to bottom takes a lot of time.”

“You sound like you were sleeping,” she said suspiciously. “It’s almost one in the afternoon there.”

“Yeah, long night,” I said, sitting up in bed and running a hand through my hair. “It’s not a big deal, Mom. Please don’t make a big deal out of it. People sleep in sometimes.”

“That’s what they tell me,” she laughed quietly. “Never did quite work out for me. By your age I-”

“I know, Mom,” I groaned. “By my age you had a bushel of kids and a husband to take care of. I don’t have either of those things. _I_ can sleep in once every six months.”

“I just don’t understand the way you kids are living your lives these days. I’d have thought you’d have met a nice woman by now and-”

“I’m gay, Mom,” I hissed into the phone. 

This was a topic we could usually avoid, but when it did come up my anger bubbled up in me instantly and fiercely. She’d already run one son out of all of our lives by refusing to accept who he was, did she really want to do it again?

“Confused, I’d say…I mean, with all the media and-”

“Okay, Mom. Gotta go. Nice talking to you,” I stabbed the end call button and threw the phone back down on my bed, getting up and padding to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stripped down, not even bothering to throw my clothes in the hamper. All I could think about was washing off the slept-too-long-and-slightly-hungover grime.

Once I was sure the water was hot enough, I stepped in, sighing when it rolled down my head and over my shoulders. There were few things in life I loved more than a hot shower. I closed my eyes and bent my head down, prepared to enjoy the feel of the water for however long my body deemed necessary, and was shocked when the first thing that happened was Taylor’s face filling up my mind. I could see him, looking over at me on the couch, leaning in to kiss me. Laying next to me in my bed, tilting his head up, his lips moving over mine. I could practically feel his hands on me, the way his tongue moved in my mouth like he was born just to eventually someday kiss me. 

My cock twitched and I groaned, trying to shake away the vision of Taylor in my bed with me. It had transformed from the picture of what had happened, just the two of us kissing, to something else entirely. His body wrapped around mine, clothes being shed quickly as we kissed franticly, our bodies rubbing together. I could see what it would be like to slide into him, his perfect mouth falling open and begging me for more. 

I didn’t even realize that I’d wrapped my hand around my dick and was jerking off in a frantic fashion until it dawned on me that the loud moans I was hearing were actually coming from my own mouth and not the fictional version of Taylor that was writhing behind my eyelids. 

Fake Taylor arched his back underneath me, my name leaving his lips in a loud groan - my name, Zac, not the name he knew me as - and I was shooting my load, hot, violent bursts, onto the shower floor. I pumped myself until I was dry, my other hand and forehead pressed against the tile of the shower wall, beads of sweat dripping down my forehead, mixing in with the water from the shower head. 

I’d meant to come to New York and find my brother, become his friend, build a normal relationship, but I think I’d somehow moved halfway across the country and fallen for a man who just happened to be the grown up version of a boy I knew once. I didn’t know how to make it make sense to me.

And I sure as shit didn’t know how to explain that to him.

\- - - - -

_Change of plans. I’m making you dinner. At your place. 6 o’clock._

I stared down at my phone, trying but failing to resist the smile that was spreading over my face. No one had ever come over and cooked for me before, and in all honesty, I wasn’t even sure I had the proper cookware for a full dinner.

I looked at the clock, just after three. I had plenty of time to run to the store and make it back by six. I grabbed my wallet and left the house, prepared to drop more money than I was usually comfortable with, but what kind of person did I want Taylor to think I was? A grown man who didn’t even own a frying pan? As if.

The clock was inching dangerously close to six as I was shoving pots and pans and spatulas into cupboards and drawers. Just as I’d crumpled up the last box and shoved it in the closet to keep it hidden there was a series of knocks at my door. 

I opened it to find Taylor standing on the other side, a few too many brown paper bags in his arms.

“Your personal chef for the night is here,” He grinned, walking in and straight to the kitchen when I shut the door behind him. I followed him in and looked at all of the bags, shaking my head.

“Did you buy the whole grocery store?”

“Almost,” he smiled, leaning over and planting a kiss on my cheek.

\- - - - -

I couldn’t even pretend to know what Taylor was doing in the kitchen. He’d taken a big bottle of red wine out of one of the bags and poured us each a glass, remarking amusedly on the large goblets I had purchased only hours ago. I sat across the counter from him and watched him chop veggies, sauté meat, his hands moving in ways I was sure I could never convince mine to move in. I was so impressed by the whole thing that I barely said a word for the first half hour, mesmerized by the sight of it.

“Do you cook?” He finally looked up at me through the fringe of his hair, a wooden spoon in his hand, stirring up some kind of garlic mixture.

“Me? No,” I laughed, shaking my head. “Unless you count TV dinners. Oh, and I can cook a mean scrambled egg.”

“Maybe I’ll teach you sometime,” he grinned, looking back down at the pan.

“Good luck,” I scoffed light-heartedly. “How’d you learn?”

“Had no choice. I was on my own young and I was broke as a joke, eating out wasn’t an option. If I wanted to survive, I had to learn how to feed myself. And, I wanted it to taste good while I was doing it, so here we are.”

“Makes sense,” I leaned back in my chair and sipped on the wine, surprised by how much I liked it.

\- - - - -

Dinner was long finished, pots and pans and plates and silverware piled up in the sink. It took me far too long to convince Taylor that there was no way in hell I was going to let him wash my dishes, but I finally had, and we found ourselves on the couch, the bottle of red on the table in front of us, glasses in our hands.

“I don’t want to, like, freak you out or anything,” Taylor was looking at me, that ever present giant smile on his face. I wondered what it would take for him to go even an hour without it. “But, spending time with you this past week has been the most comfortable I’ve been in a while.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Me too, actually.”

“I feel like I’ve been here in New York, looking and looking for someone like you for years…and all this time you were in Missouri.”

The bluntness of his statement threw me a little, my mind instantly whirring with a hundred different thoughts, most of them great, some of them not so good. I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other and they were both screaming in my ear, one of them telling me to just rip the bandaid off and do the right thing, the other telling me that this connection that we had…this deep longing we seemed to share that made us want to be around each other all the time was too good to potentially screw up. I’d be lying if I said that the devil wasn’t also shouting that I wanted him to kiss me again like he had before. Maybe it was also telling me that I wanted to feel his hands on my skin again, melt into his touch. The angel and I didn’t know what to do with that information, because it didn’t make any sense to either of us. He was my brother. My flesh and blood. You’re not supposed to want to do those things with your flesh and blood.

But I did. I did _so_ badly. 

“Me too,” I said again, swallowing the lump in my throat that seemed to be trying to take up permanent residence there lately. “Except, you know, the other way around.”

“It’s crazy, right? We’ve barely known each other long at all, but…I don’t know, I just feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”

My mouth had gone completely dry and I forgot how to form words, the weight of what he’d said hammering down on me. I watched him as he drained his wine into his mouth, and I kept watching as he put his glass down on the table, and then his smiling face got closer and closer, and I didn’t do anything to stop him, even though I knew I should. My eyes shut and he was kissing me and I was kissing him back and the angel disappeared and it was just me and the devil and Taylor.


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow my shirt had ended up on the floor somewhere along with Taylor’s, and I’d ended up on my back on the couch, Taylor over me, his mouth exploring my own, my jaw, my neck, around and around in circles, his mouth was everywhere, his hands roaming around on my bare skin. 

It had probably been fifteen years since I’d been on a couch with someone, dry humping until we were panting, but that’s exactly where I was then. Taylor was kissing and nipping and licking, his hips rolling down onto mine with a frequency that was sending my head on an actual ride. 

Taylor lifted himself off of me long enough to unbutton my jeans, his fingers moving to his own button and fly. We scrambled out of our pants, relegating them to wherever our shirts were, and then he was on me again. I could tell he was turned on before, but through only the thin fabric of our boxers I could feel how hard he really was and it sent a shiver throughout my entire body. 

He pulled back again, straddling my calves, his hand falling to my boxers. He rubbed his palm over my dick a few times, the low groan he made forcing a whimper from my mouth. He chuckled quietly, his blue eyes meeting mine as he slid his hand inside the hole on the front of my boxers, his fingers running lightly up and down my shaft.

When he closed his hand around me and pulled me free from my boxers, stroking me slowly, I didn’t even recognize the sound I made. My head fell back, my back arching as he worked up a rhythm, his hand moving a little quicker. 

“Wow,” he said low, his hand still moving in a perfect rhythm as he slid down on the couch. I watched, unable to speak, as his head dipped down, tousled hair falling into his face, and he took me into his mouth. 

“Fuck,” I groaned, from the sensation of his perfect mouth around me or the sight of his cheeks hallowing as he took me in, or some combination of the two, I’m not sure. Within seconds his head was bobbing up and down on me, his tongue doing things I wasn’t sure a tongue was supposed to be able to do. 

He reached down with one hand, his boxers landing on the floor a couple of seconds later, and then he pulled his mouth off of me and slid mine down, pulling them off my legs and discarding them. 

“That’s better,” he grinned before dipping his head down again, taking all of me into his mouth at once.

I was pretty sure I had left my body and was floating somewhere near the ceiling. I didn’t even have a name for the sheer level of pleasure and want that was flowing through me, and I’m almost positive that never in my life had I made the kind of sounds Taylor was pulling out of me. I was practically begging him to never stop, and then he did, his body sliding up mine. 

He looked me in the eyes, his hand back around my dick, pumping slowly, one finger disappearing in between his swollen lips. He sucked on it for a few seconds, a popping sound sounding off the walls when he pulled it out.

“Is this okay?” He whispered huskily, his hand sliding between my legs. I nodded, probably a little too enthusiastically, and then he was sliding his finger inside of me, working me into a state of lust I wasn’t aware existed before that night.

He added a finger, his other hand still stroking me, his heavily lidded eyes watching what he was doing, and then his took both hands away and lowered his body over mine. 

He kissed me again, a little lazily this time, a hand disappearing in between us as he lined himself up, and then he was pushing against me, groaning into my mouth at the resistance. My eyes flew open, my chest suddenly so tight I could barely breathe. 

Guilt, deception, sadness, and about sixty other emotions that didn’t have names were all suddenly drowning me and I grabbed his wrist, shaking my head from side to side, my mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out of it.

“Hey,” he soothed, backing up a little bit. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“We…” I breathed out, still shaking my head. “We can’t, I…we can’t.”

“Okay,” he nodded, his hand slowly leaving my now aching dick, his body backing up another few inches. “Okay. Do you want to tell me what just happened? What’s wrong, Jax?”

My heart physically cracked when he said my non-name and I pulled myself up, sitting against the arm of the couch. 

“It’s just,” I stopped shaking my head. “I want to, oh God, I want to. It’s…it’s too soon, right?”

His eyes were moving quickly between mine and then he nodded slowly.

“It is if you feel like it is,” he reached out and moved my hair out of my face. “We can wait…if you’re not ready. I’ll be here when you are.”

\- - - - -

Taylor asked me if he could stay the night and I sighed with relief knowing that I hadn’t driven him off. We settled down side by side in my bed, his arm snaked around my waist and his nose nuzzled against the back of my neck, and within minutes he was asleep.

Me? Not so lucky. I laid there staring at the wall for over an hour, every terrible thought that existed running through my head until I felt like I was going insane. I reached towards the nightstand and picked up my phone. 

I found myself googling things like, ‘family members separated for decades meet and are attracted to each other’ and ‘long lost siblings reunite and fall in love,’ my eyes scanning over hundreds of words about things exactly like what was happening between Taylor and I. The fact that this seemed to be an actual thing that happened to actual people, and not just me, was almost comforting until my brain pieced together the fact that in all of the occurrences I had read about, both parties knew exactly who they were to each other at the onset. 

I didn’t feel any better when I shut my phone screen off and placed it back on the nightstand or when I pulled the blanket up over my chest, or even when Taylor shifted in his sleep, pulling me closer to him and kissing my shoulder before I felt his breathing even back out and he was asleep again. 

A week ago I didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with someone so quickly. I definitely didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with your own older brother, or that you could fall so far into them that the thought of losing them for another second could make your chest feel like it was going to break open. But I knew it then.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no chill apparently when it comes to posting, so heres another chapter. I hope yall are liking this one, let me know what you think! :)

He was gone when I opened my eyes the next morning, my bed feeling painfully empty without him in it. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and tossing the blanket back. I looked towards the nightstand for my phone, hoping that he’d sent a text when he left like he had last time, but it wasn’t there. I was pretty sure that was where I left it, the memory of my late night google session coming back to me. All at once I knew what had happened, I knew why he was gone, and it was all I could do not to dissolve into a pit of despair right then and there. 

I stood from the bed and walked to my closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then I walked to my bedroom door, my heart thudding in my chest so hard I could feel it in my ears. 

I pulled the door open, my eyes instantly landing on Taylor. He was standing in the middle of the living room, pacing back and forth, my phone clutched in his right hand. 

I took one step out of the room and his head snapped up, his eyes - a little more than a little wild looking - met mine. He stopped pacing, my phone held halfway between his waist and his shoulders. He stared at me for ten hour long seconds and then he dropped his arms to his sides.

“How could you?” His voice was barely above a whisper but it was laced with emotion and possibly a little venom.

“Tay, I-”

“How _could_ you?!” He repeated. His forehead was knotted up and I could read the pain and betrayal on his face and I swore my entire insides were about to start shutting down in front of him.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” I took one step forward and he took two steps back, the hand that was holding my phone rising as if warding me off. “And then…and then all of this happened and I didn’t know how, I couldn’t find a way to tell you and keep you and I-” I shook my head, my eyes burning. Hot tears were threatening to unleash themselves, but I knew that I didn’t have the right. “Fuck,” I groaned, dropping my head. “I fucked everything up.”

Taylor scoffed, the sound rolling through me like a boulder.

“Your phone started ringing,” he said slowly, looking away from me, his eyes resting on the wall over my shoulder. “You didn’t wake up. I grabbed it to shut the ringer off,” he made a sound I didn’t have a name for and shook his head. “Imagine my surprise when the photo taking up the entire screen was a picture of-” it looked like he was eating something sour, his entire face twisting up. “Walker and Diana Hanson.”

“Oh my God,” I breathed.

“You knew,” he spat at me. “You knew the whole time.”

I just nodded, I couldn’t make words come, but there was no point in lying anymore. 

“How’d you find me? You just happened to move to New York a mile away from my job? Why are you really here?”

“For you,” I shrugged helplessly. “I moved here for you.”

“How did you know where I was?”

“I hired a PI,” I took another step towards him, him another back.

“You’re kidding me.”

“Tay, I just wanted to find you. I just wanted my brother back, but then-”

“But then you allowed me to fall for you,” he said evenly. “You let me kiss you, you let me want you,” he was seething and I could hear it in his voice. “You let me put your _dick in my mouth,_ ” he spat out, disgust taking over all of his features. “You were gonna let me-”

“But, I didn’t!” I cried. “I didn’t, I stopped it. I stopped us from going too far, I-”

“Going too far!?” Taylor roared. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Taylor, I-”

“No, you know what,” he moved then, walking by me and dropping my phone on the floor at my feet. “I don’t want to hear anymore,” he headed towards the door, yanking it open with all of his force. “I never want to see you again.”

The door slammed behind him and he was gone. I thought about going after him, but that angel popped up again, telling me that I’d done enough.

\- - - - -

I sat on my couch for hours just staring blankly at the black TV screen. I’d gone and made a mess of it and I was sure it was one that I couldn’t clean up. Would I forgive me if we traded places? I’m not sure that I would be able to find it in me.

 

I’d be ashamed to tell you what I did with the rest of my day, but we’re way past that now, I’d think. 

I downed the rest of the bottle of wine and then I took a shower and once again found myself furiously jerking off to thoughts of my older brother who now hated me. When I came it was to the visual of him on his knees in front of me, his cheeks taking on that hollowed shape I’d admired the night before. Hot tears rolled over my face, mixing with the showers spray and I watched the evidence of what I’d done swirl down the drain. 

Then I got dressed and stared at my blank TV screen some more. If I closed my eyes, I could see Taylor sitting next to me on the couch and I let myself feel the pain of accepting that I’d gained and re-lost my brother all within the span of a week. I had no one to blame, I’d done it to myself.

When my phone trilled, I grabbed it, exhilaration at the prospect that it was Taylor rolling through me. No such luck, the Tinder notification staring up at me said. I swiped it open, not all that surprised to see that it was from the guy Nick from the other night. No beating around the bush with him, his message simply asking if I was up for a round two.

I let him come over and fuck me on the couch where I’d almost let Taylor do the same, my nails digging into the cushions so hard I was sure they would be torn when we were done. 

When he was done, he finished me off with a blow job that paled in comparison to the one I had had not even twenty four hours before, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I came down his throat, Taylor’s beautiful mouth behind my eyelids.

He didn’t stay, and I didn’t want him to. He left and I closed myself in my bedroom trying to think up ways that I could get Taylor to forgive me. 

I drifted off to sleep eventually, relegated with the knowledge that there was nothing I could do, I’d gotten him back and I’d lost him, and I’d have to live with that.


	10. Chapter 10

The next three weeks went by at an excruciatingly slow pace. I spent most of my time in the office, organizing and moving things around to my liking. I’d interviewed somewhere around fifty potential hires and managed to take on three of them, exactly none of them giving me that excited feeling that told me I was building New York City’s premier law firm. 

“Maybe we should try to convince Slater to transfer here,” I shouted over at Hannah while I was making photocopies for myself at the copy machine across the room from her desk.

“Right,” she laughed. “Could you imagine that wife of his living here? With all these botoxed lawyer wives roaming around? She’d hate it here.”

“Probably true,” I snorted. “But he’s our best guy, and I’m starting to question my idea for new hires. We’ve gotta do something around here to make our mark.”

“We’ll figure it out, boss,” she smiled over at me. “Give it time.”

“Right,” I said. “Give it time.”

“I know you’re nervous,” she eyed me as I was passing by her desk with my stack of freshly printed pages. “But, it’s going to be fine. You’re the best damn lawyer I’ve ever known, and the best boss, too.”

“Thanks, Hannah,” I smiled.

“I mean it,” she shrugged. “And whatever it is that’s been getting you down the past few weeks…you just need to figure it out.”

“That obvious, huh?” I frowned, leaning a hand on the top of her desk.

“Yeah, kind of. You’re like a book, I can read you from a mile away.”

I laughed and shook my head.

“A book that has a major talent for making a mess of things,” I sighed. 

“It’s a guy, right? It’s always a guy.”

“Actually, it’s me, I-” the phone on Hannah’s desk started ringing and she frowned, reaching for it and answering. She exchanged a handful of sentences with whoever was on the other line and then told them she was going to put them on hold. She pressed the button, putting the phone down on its cradle and smiling up at me.

“This might cheer you up. Looks like we might have our first case. They want to set up a consult. When is good for you?”

“Hell yes,” I grinned. “Tomorrow morning is good.”

“See, things are already looking up,” Hannah gave me a huge smile and then reached for the phone, leaving me to walk back into my office with a bigger grin on my face than I’d managed since before Taylor had stormed out of my apartment.

\- - - - -

I’d never really felt like I was in full on despair before. I’d been down, of course, hasn’t everybody? But, the feelings that had been running through me for most of my waking hours were almost all consuming. Once a wave of a particularly concentrated mix of guilt, loneliness, and self anger hit me, it was as if I was caught in the tide and there was no way to rip myself out of it. I’d found myself drinking a bit more, letting Nick come over almost nightly and hooking up with him while showing little more interest than someone who was bored with what they were doing. I wasn’t quite sure why he kept coming back, it couldn’t have been all that exciting for him, but allowing myself to be used for someone else’s pleasure seemed like good penance for what I’d done to Taylor, so I kept doing it.

I had, however, told Nick that tonight was not a good night, choosing instead to try to detox my liver and get some rest to get myself ready to meet with what was potentially my first client as a big New York City lawyer. All I wanted to do was take a shower, pull on some sweatpants and lose myself in some mindless television program. I didn’t want to think about Taylor or have to pretend I was in the mood for sex or even that I liked this guy, I just wanted to exist in near silence and wake up fully rested the next day and ready to pull on my serious business face. 

I ordered some Chinese food and hopped in the shower while I waited for it to come. I batted away every image of Taylor that had been haunting me for the last three weeks, instead focusing on shampooing my hair, washing my body, and making myself feel the cleanest I had in a while. I’d barely wrapped the towel around myself when I heard the knock at the door, my eyes flicking to the clock on the stove as I walked into the kitchen.

“That was fast,” I said cheerily as I pulled the door opening, expecting to see that sweet brown paper bag full of all of the food I was about to shove down my throat, but my eyes widened when instead of landing on a delivery guy they landed on the only thing I wanted to see more than my food at that moment.

“Hey,” he said, shrugging one shoulder limply. His eyes flitted to the towel around my waist and then back up to my face. He seemed to be concentrating on a spot in the middle of my nose. “I guess I caught you at a bad time, I can go,” he turned to leave and before I could think differently, my hand shot out, grabbing his wrist.

“Don’t go,” I said quietly. “I can get dressed quick. Don’t leave, Tay.”

He looked at me for a few seconds before nodding once. I pulled the door open further to let him in and then I shut it behind us, following him into the living room.

“I’ll just…uh-” I motioned towards my bedroom door and he nodded again. 

The second I closed myself up in my bedroom I was filled with the fear that when I came out he’d have changed his mind and left again. I don’t even know why he came back, and I didn’t want to miss out on being able to talk to him, so I pulled on the first thing I saw that was maybe clean, tossed my towel into the corner of the room and made my way back out into the living room. 

Taylor was standing in between the couch and the television, playing with the bracelets that were stacked on his wrist. He looked up at me when I closed the door and he tilted his head to the side just a little bit. His eyes were moving around my face and I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say to me.

“Taylor, listen, I-”

I couldn’t even finish forming my thought before he was across the room. His mouth crashed into mine, my back hitting the closed bedroom door only a second later. He had one hand against the door next to my head, the other was gripping my hip as if it was his life-force. 

“Tay,” I turned my head to the side, but he wasn’t deterred, his mouth falling to my neck. “Jesus,” I groaned, my head falling back against the door. “Tay…this isn’t-”

“I don’t care,” he murmured into my neck, his teeth grazing my skin lightly. “Been thinking about this non-stop for three weeks. I can’t take it anymore.”

His hips rolled into mine and I felt exactly how much he’d been thinking about it. I wondered briefly if he’d been doing the things to himself in the shower that I had been, or maybe he’d been sleeping with other people and closing his eyes and seeing me too, and then he rolled his hips into mine again and every thought except for _needing_ him was erased from my mind.

My hand moved down to the doorknob and I turned it, the bedroom door opening for us. We moved in sync across the floor, our clothes landing in little piles in our wake. He landed on top of me on the bed, our noses almost touching, each of us breathing heavier than the situation probably called for. 

“I can’t care,” he said quietly, lowering his body onto mine, the friction from him rubbing against me as he did so sending shivers throughout my body. “Not right now.”

“Okay,” I nodded, gripping the back of his neck and pulling his face back down to mine. 

I’d been with plenty of men, some women too, but somehow nothing I’d ever felt in my life compared to the sensations rolling throughout my body as Taylor and I moved together. His arm was wedged between us, his fingers moving inside me while he kissed every available piece of skin he could and I swear I was seeing actual colors float around in front of me. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I may have started begging him for more, knowing I couldn’t take another second of this without him being inside me, and when he obliged, it was all I could do not to come right then and there.

We barely made a sound, our breathing the only thing filling up the room around us, Taylor snaking a hand between us and wrapping his fingers around me, stroking me in the same rhythm that he was rocking in and out of me with. 

He let out a low, barely audible ‘yes’ and then he was coming, panting into the side of my neck and within seconds I was coming with him.

He didn’t move away from me, just dropped his forehead to my chest while we both worked to breathe normal again, both of my hands trailing up and down his bare back. 

When he finally rolled off of me, he pulled me onto my side so we were facing each other. I was pretty sure his eyes were sparkling, but I could be conflating the moment to fit in with how large it felt to me to be laying there with him like that when just hours ago I was sure I’d never see him again.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he finally said quietly. “Not right now. I just want to be here with you. We can talk about it later.”

“Okay,” I nodded. 

“I’m sorry I stormed out of here, it was-”

“No, we’re not talking about it, remember?” I smiled, a heavy knock at the door startling the both of us. “Shit,” I laughed, hopping over him and off of the bed. I grabbed the sweatpants that we’d discarded earlier and pulled them on, looking down at him on my way out the door. “I hope you’re hungry, I ordered the entire Chinese restaurant.”


	11. Chapter 11

I slid my visitors pass through the slot in the bulletproof glass and grabbed the plastic baggy full of my belongings, putting my belt back on and shoving my wallet and phone into my back pockets. I could feel that I was slightly bouncing on the balls of my feet as I waited for the security guard to buzz me through the thick, solid door of Rikers Island. The entire time I was inside I couldn’t help but feel like I was in some procedural crime drama on primetime TV instead of in my real life. Prisons in Oklahoma had nothing on this place, and if I’m being completely honest, I was more than a little intimidated the entire time I was inside.

My potential client - or actual client now, I guess - also had nothing on my past clients. He’d walked into a gas station and shot the place up, taking two grand and a six pack of beer on the way out and wasn’t ashamed of it. The only thing he wanted from me was for me to push for him to actually get the death penalty, which the state wasn’t pursuing. The fact that I was personally against the death penalty would have to be pushed aside, because watching this man describe to me with near glee how he’d shot and killed four men for no other reason than because he wanted to was seriously making me second guess my stance on the whole thing.

All I wanted to do was forget the last two hours, so I was pleasantly surprised that just after I cleared the gates in the car I’d borrowed from Hannah for the trip out, my phone rang and it was Taylor.

“Hey,” I said once my phone connected to the blue tooth.

“Hey yourself,” his voice came through cheerful and I found myself thanking any God that might exist that he was speaking to me. “Whatcha doing?”

“I just left Rikers and I think I’m not a character on Law and Order, what about you?”

“What?” He laughed. “I just got off work.”

“It was crazy in there, you have no idea. Jail at home looks like a daycare center compared to this.”

“Home,” Taylor repeated and I felt my stomach tighten just a little bit. We hadn’t talked about…things…at since he’d shown up at my door two nights ago, instead keeping things light despite the fact that not talking about it would only make it worse when we finally did, and I’m sure we both knew that.

“Anyway,” I had to work to make my voice sound easy and even. “I’m thinking about dinner, are you thinking about dinner?”

“If by dinner you mean meeting you at your place with take out, then thats exactly what I’m thinking about.”

\- - - - -

“So tell me about this client,” Taylor was setting the Italian takeout he’d picked up on the way over out on some paper plates.

“I’m not really supposed to but-”

“Hey if you can’t, don’t,” he smiled up at me, plucking two forks out of the drawer and setting them on the sides of the plates. He pushed mine across the counter towards me and moved to the fridge. “We really need to get this thing stocked up if I’m going to be spending time here.”

“Are you?” I asked, picking up my fork and then looking over at him. “Going to be spending time here?”

“I want to,” He turned to look at me, his hand still on the fridge handle.

“I want you to, too.”

“It’s settled then,” he slid his plate across the counter and then walked around it and sat down in the chair next to mine.

“How are you not mad?” I put my fork down and turned fully towards him. The question had been running through my mind since he’d come back and until then I’d been too afraid to ask.

“I was,” he shook his head. “But I don’t want to be. I just want to live in the now, you know?”

“But…you’re okay with…” I waved my hand around, looking for the right words. He put his fork down and grabbed my hand, pulling it towards him.

“I’ve never felt like this…” he shook his head again, his eyes falling down in between us. “I can’t explain it. The way I feel when I’m with you is something I can’t even put words to, and it’s been that way since we met. How am I supposed to make that go away?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know if there was anything I _could_ say. I’d been asking myself the same questions, except longer than he had, and I still didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know how to stop and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to.

“What if I don’t want it to go away?” He looked back up at me, echoing my thoughts. 

I wanted to answer him, tell him I felt the same way, but the only thing I could do in that moment was lean forward and press my lips against his. 

His hand tightened around mine, his other hand coming up to clutch mine. He stood, pulling me up with him and without ever breaking out kiss, he lead us into the bedroom, the food completely forgotten.

\- - - - -

“Have you told them?”

We were laying side by side in my bed, the sheet pulled up to our waists, my head resting on Taylor’s chest. I turned my face up to look at him when he spoke, surprised that it wasn’t wearing a frown.

“I assume you mean-”

“Our parents,” he finished, his fingers running through my hair. “Have you told them you found me?”

“No.”

“Do they still hate me?”

My chest tightened and I brought a hand up to run my fingers along his arm.

“No, Tay, they don’t hate you.”

“They will once they hear this,” he chuckled quietly, and I knew he was trying at a joke, attempting to keep the conversation light, but all at once I realized that this thing between us wasn’t just about us and what we might want. There was more to it than us choosing to ignore where we came from and who we were, there were other people who did know those things and who, very likely, would care a great deal. Somehow it had never dawned on me until he spoke the words.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost all of a sudden,” he said quietly, his hand moving down to my jaw.

“This is going to be hard,” I said quietly. “If they find out…it’ll be worse than it was for you back then. I don’t know if it’s worth all of that-”

“You’re joking,” he shook his head, shifting us so we were laying side by side facing each other. “I spent a lot of time thinking about all of this. Three weeks, to be exact, and I can tell you with certainty that it’s worth it.”

“You really think so?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

He leaned in and kissed me slowly, his arms winding around me. I knew that I could spend the rest of time doing this with him and I’d never get tired of it, that wasn’t even a question. But, we weren’t the only people in the world and I was all of a sudden very aware of that, aware that we might have chosen to not have a problem with who we are, but other people very likely would. 

“Stay here,” he said, climbing off of the bed and pulling his boxers on. 

I reached over the side of the bed and grabbed my own boxers, shimmying into them, and then I fixed the pillows so I could sit up against the top of the bed. I thought that I could very well deal with Taylor being the only other person in the world who ever spoke to me again. I had no problem with us shutting ourselves up in this bedroom and never walking outside another day. If the world didn’t like us together, why should I give a shit? Just seeing him sitting next to me made me feel happier than I had about anything in years, I didn’t see a single good reason not to keep rolling around in that feeling, what anyone else thought of us be damned. 

He came back into the room, two plate of food in his hands and climbed back into the bed.

“I don’t know about you, but I worked up quite an appetite,” he smiled, passing me one.

“You read my mind,” I smiled back.

We settled into a comfortable quiet, eating off of our plates, our sides pressed lightly together. When I finished my plate I set it down on the nightstand and turned to him.

“Move in.”

“What?” He paused, fork halfway to his mouth, his eyes turned to me.

“Move in here, just stay. It’s closer to your job…it’s closer to me.”

“I don’t think it could get any closer to you unless I moved into your body.”

“That could be arranged.”

“It’s a little quick, right?” He put his plate down on the table on his side of the bed and then turned back to me, moving a chunk of hair out of his face. 

“If you call over twenty years quick,” I nodded. “Sure.”

“Twenty years,” he repeated, blowing out a breath. “Sometimes it feels like a really long time and other times I can’t even remember ever being anywhere else but here.”

“Until I found you, every single day felt like forever since I’d seen you.”

“I’m sorry that I left you, Zac,” he frowned, reaching over and putting his hand on my face. “If I could have taken you with me, I would have.”

“I know,” I nodded slowly. “I’m not angry, I just missed you so much. Every single day. Did you-”

“Every day,” he said. “I thought about you every day.”

I nodded, his words all the reassurance I needed. There were times when I was sure that when he’d left he’d flipped a switch and forgotten all about me, and knowing that wasn’t true suddenly had the backs of my eyes stinging and my chest tightening up.

“But, I’m never leaving you again,” he said, pressing a light kiss to the side of my mouth. “Starting right now.”

He pulled me towards him and kissed me with a vigor that I felt throughout my entire body. We shifted so we were laying down and Taylor pulled me on top of him, moving my hair out of my face.

“So,” he raised an eyebrow, kissing me between words. “This is our bed now then, right?”


	12. Chapter 12

The next two weeks went by in a total blur. Taylor had already moved what little he owned into my apartment and if one of us wasn’t at work, or in his case school, we were together. We had a semi-big talk about what our past meant for our future and we both decided that as long as it wasn’t a problem, we wouldn’t make it a problem, and if the day came when it became one, we’d face it then. 

In short, everything was perfect. And then, one night we were sitting on the couch watching old That 70’s Show reruns when my phone rang. 

“It’s Mom,” Taylor said, handing the phone over to me. Something about hearing him call her that struck me. I frowned, holding the phone in my hand for a second before he nudged me. “Go ahead, answer it.”

“Hey Mom,” I said, eyeing Taylor as I put the phone to my ear.

“Hey honey, just checking in,” her chipper voice came through the line. “Seeing what you’re up to. We haven’t really talked in a while.”

“Everything is good over here, how about over there?” My eyes were still trained on Taylor, my stomach fluttering at the small, encouraging smile he was giving me.

“Oh, you know, same old, same old. Grandkids keeping us on our toes, and all that,” I could tell she was smiling and despite our difficulties, it made me happy.

“Good, look, I want to tell you something,” I smiled at Taylor. We had talked about this already, and we had decided that when the time came, I’d tell them that I’d found him. “I found Taylor, he, um…well, he’s sitting next to me right now.”

“No way!” She said. “Oh, honey, that’s great. I knew you’d find him.”

“Yeah, we’ve been spending a lot of time together. He’s doing really well, and he’d like to talk to you and Dad.”

“Oh,” my mom said softly. I heard her suck in a breath and then she spoke again. “I’d love that, sweetie. Please, put him on the phone.”

\- - - - -

And that’s how, exactly one week later, Taylor and I found ourselves hopping into a rental car at the Tulsa International Airport and heading towards our childhood home.

I could tell he was nervous from the way his right leg was bouncing up and down as we cruised down the highway, but I could also tell that he didn’t exactly want to make a huge deal out of it, so instead of trying to make him talk, I held his hand on the center console, squeezing it when we turned onto our parents street.

“You ready?” I smiled over at him after I’d put the car into park in the driveway. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he smiled back.

“Alright,” I let go of his hand and tapped the steering wheel and then turned the car off. “Let’s go.”

Before I even got my fist to the door to know it was pulled open, our older brother standing in the doorway holding his newest baby girl in his arm.

“Tay,” he smiled, wrapping his free arm around Taylor and smiling at me over his shoulder. “God, it’s good to see you.

“And who is this,” Taylor smiled at the little girl when Isaac let him go.

“This is Lilly,” Isaac grinned. “She’s almost two and she may be the spawn of satan, but we like her.”

“She’s adorable, Ike,” Taylor grinned.

“Well, come in, Mom’s in the kitchen laying out a fifty course meal.”

“No surprise there,” Taylor chuckled and I felt my insides go warm. I didn’t know what the exact name for what I was feeling take over my body was, but if I had to pluck a word out of the air to place on it, I’d call it love.

\- - - - -

The whirlwind of hellos and hugs and tears and catching up was almost too much for me to take in, and a few hours into our evening with our parents I slipped out the backdoor and sat down on the porch steps. I needed a breather, and it seemed to me like Taylor was doing a great job of holding his own in there, so without alerting anyone to it, I thought it was okay to slip away for a few minutes to gather my thoughts.

Apparently I hadn’t done so as quietly or stealthily as I had thought, because only a couple of minutes went by before I heard the sliding door open behind me and then Taylor was sitting down next to me, passing me a sweaty beer bottle and smiling.

“I think it’s going well,” he said before lifting his own bottle to his mouth to take a drink.

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Me too.”

“It doesn’t feel weird. I thought it would, you know? But, it doesn’t. I guess I didn’t realize that I missed them until they were in front of me again.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s going great. They love having you back, I haven’t seem Mom smile like that in a long time.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly, reaching out and putting his hand on my thigh. It rested there for a beat before he squeezed lightly and then let go.

“For what?”

“Finding me. Bringing me home,” he shrugged, looking away from me. 

I could see a deep blush spreading across his face and then he dropped his head, his hair falling forward. He put his beer bottle down and put his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

“Tay, what’s wrong?” I reached out and held his shoulder, squeezing it the way he’d done my thigh. 

“I can’t believe I missed twenty years.”

“You’re here now, though,” I said quietly. “We can only go forward.”

“Yeah,” he wiped his eyes and lifted his head. “You’re right. I just feel like I missed everything and there isn’t any way to get it back. Like, I missed so much of you. I wasn’t there for-”

“Hey,” I shook my head, leaning in so that there was only about four inches separating our faces. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re here now. We’re here and we’re never going to miss another day together.”

“Alright,” Taylor took a deep breath and then stood up, grabbing his beer off the step. “Enough of this. I swear I’m not a drama queen.”

“Right,” I raised an eyebrow. “I think you are…always have been.”

“Whatever,” Taylor rolled his eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. I stood up and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him into me.

“Everything is going to be fine,” I kissed him quickly on the corner of his mouth with every intention of that being it, but the instant I felt his skin under my lips, I needed more.

I tightened my hold on him and pressed my lips to his, sighing when he easily kissed me back. It felt like something amazing to me, standing in the backyard that we’d both shared as kids, but now we were there in this entirely different way. I realized that if things hadn’t gone exactly the way they had in our lives - mainly Taylor’s - we’d never be standing in that spot the way we were. Life had a funny way of giving you exactly what you needed, even if when it was happening it felt like the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you. 

“Zac,” Taylor whispered, pulling away slowly. “We should…you know, maybe not?”

“Right,” I said, dropping my arms from around him. “Come on, let’s go back inside.”

Taylor nodded, running his finger along my hand as he walked by me towards the house. I followed behind, thanking the lord that we’d declined Mom’s invitation to stay with her and got a hotel instead.

\- - - - -

“I think that went well,” I yawned, collapsing into bed next to Taylor somewhere around midnight.

“I think so, too,” Taylor turned to me and smiled. “Thank you again.”

“Oh, stop,” I grinned. “It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing to me,” he shifted closer to me and put his arm around my waist, his fingers drawing light shapes on my back. “I should have come back here a long time ago.”

“I get why you didn’t, though.”

“I know. But now it just seems silly…to let all of that time go by without the people you love.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Tay.”

“I know that, but I didn’t have to run away and disappear. I should have known that they’d get over it eventually-”

“They were the adults,” I cut him off, moving his hair from his face and leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “You did what you had to to survive.”

“You see the best in me, huh?” Taylor yawned, snuggling closer to me, his cold nose burrowing into my neck. “I know you really wanted to come back here and have sex but I’m wiped.”

“I think I’ll live if we skip one night,” I laughed quietly. Both of our sexual appetites were a bit…overzealous. There hadn’t been a single night since Taylor had taken up residence in my apartment that we hadn’t fallen into bed and then our bodies - seemingly on their own - hadn’t wound up tangled up together. 

“I’m not sure,” he yawned again. “Should we chance it?”

“Sleep,” I laughed again, shaking my head. “Tomorrow is another day.”

\- - - - -

When I woke up, Taylor was in the shower. So, of course I did the reasonable thing and joined him.

I always wondered what the point was of those built in seats you see in some hotel room showers, but Taylor and I figured it out that morning. 

Once we had sufficiently made up for last night, we pulled on some clothes and I pulled up a map to the restaurant we were supposed to meet Isaac at for breakfast. I was glad it seemed to just be a couple minute walk and we wouldn’t need to drive, I wanted Taylor to remember the Tulsa weather and how much he used to love it, and maybe it wouldn’t be out of the question for us to come back here more often. As much as I was loving New York City so far, I had a feeling that that had a lot more to do with him being there than the actual location, and I would always love where I’d come from.

Despite the fact that we were heading to breakfast, where I had to assume they would serve coffee, when Taylor saw the tiny Starbucks in the corner of the lobby of our hotel, he grabbed my hand and made a beeline for it, promising that he’d down it before we got to the restaurant. 

Taylor ordered his coffee and we stepped off to the side to wait for it. I slid my arm around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder,I’d thought I’d gotten enough sleep but suddenly I was exhausted, and using him as a way to keep me up was a pleasant side effect of that. His arm had just wound around me, his lips pressing gently to my forehead when-

“Hey guys,” Isaac’s voice reached my ears. It sounded confused and hesitant and I jerked my body away from Taylor’s, spinning around to look at my other brother.

“Hey Ike,” I said, shaking my head. “I thought we were meeting at the restaurant?”

“We were but…I figured I’d stop here and try to catch you since it was so close.”

His eyes were moving between Taylor and I, back and forth slowly, as if he was deciding which one of us to ask what the fuck was going on, but then he shook his head quickly and smiled.

“I think I’ll grab one of these too,” he said, stepping to the side to the counter. He ordered a coffee as the other barista called Taylor’s name and handed him his. 

Taylor’s wide eyes were on mine as Isaac waited for his coffee, the two of us trying - and failing - to exchange words without sound. I could see that he was nervous, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling the same way. 

“Alright!” Isaac said, a bit more cheery than I’d expect. “Wanna walk there? It’s beautiful out.”

Taylor looked at me, his eyebrows high on his head and I just shook my head, silently begging that Isaac didn’t really notice, or if he did he was never going to mention it again. My biggest fear wasn’t him knowing, it was Taylor’s reaction to it. 

I wondered if I was going to spend the rest of my life worried that Taylor was going to run away from me.


	13. Chapter 13

Breakfast was pleasant and I’d all but forgotten about the lobby of the hotel. Watching Isaac and Taylor fall seamlessly into a brotherly relationship made me happier than I had expected. When I’d started my mission to find Taylor, the idea was to bring him back home and make sure that things returned to normal. Now…well, we were so far away from normal I wasn’t even sure that the place existed anymore, but knowing that a part of my plan was going well made me feel accomplished and maybe like I was giving Taylor something that he’d done a really good job of giving to me lately - happiness. 

We’d paid the check and Isaac and I were waiting by the doors for Taylor to reappear from the bathroom when Isaac turned to me, his mouth downturned just slightly.

“Just tell me that it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“What?” I tried to keep my face and voice even. I tilted my head a little to the side, hoping I was playing dumb off well.

“You know what,” Isaac sighed, his voice low, just barely above a whisper. “The two of you looking all cuddly and cute back there at the hotel. What _was_ that, Zac?”

“It was nothing, Ike,” I shrugged. “Taylor’s affectionate, that’s all.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but Taylor was suddenly next to us, smiling between the two of us.

“What are we talking about?”

“Nothing,” Isaac and I said at the same time. Taylor narrowed his eyes and then shook it off quickly, shrugging. 

“What do you guys want to do now?”

\- - - - -

We ended up going and playing laser tag - for the nostalgia, we all said, but we really all knew that not one of us would ever grow out of the hobby. I won, of course, just like I always had when we were kids. We ended the afternoon grabbing ice cream and going our separate ways until we’d all meet again at our parents house for dinner.

We said goodbye at the doors of the hotel, Taylor still digging into the too big sundae he’d ordered as we walked to the elevator and waited for it to reach our floor. 

When we finally got to our room, I kicked my shoes off as Taylor flopped down onto the bed, entranced in his ice cream. I was starting to wonder if he hadn’t had any in the twenty years we’d been apart. 

“I think I’m gonna shower,” I said, grinning when he gave me a non-committal mmhmm, still looking down at the paper cup he was scooping ice cream out of. “You might want one too?” I walked closer to the bed. 

“Nuh-uh,” he mumbled, shoving another bite in his mouth.

“I dunno, Tay, you probably need one.”

“What’re you trying to say?” He finally looked up at me, the spoon halfway to his mouth when I sat next to him on the edge of the bed. “You saying I smell or something?”

“No…” I laughed softly. “Just maybe you’re a little dirty and need to get clean?”

“We took a shower this morning, remember? I’m not dirty.”

I took the spoon from his hand and looked at it for a second, before looking at him.

“Well,” I said, smearing the ice cream from his nose down to his cheek. “You are now?”

“Oh my God,” he said slowly. “Why would you do that?”

He was staring over at me, half of his face covered in ice cream, and I found it so adorable I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Not exactly the mood I was hoping to create, but I figured I could go with it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I mess up your pretty face?”

“Mess up my - oh, you’re gonna get it.”

He practically leapt at me, forcing me to lay down on the bed, and rubbing his ice cream face all over my own face. It was cold and slightly sticky and I would have protested except I was laughing too hard to get a word out. And then he lowered his body on to mine, his hips pressing against my own, my breath drawing in sharply when I felt how hard he was. 

He stopped smearing his ice cream on me and moved his head, his mouth landing harshly on top of mine, his hips pressing down harder, and then withdrawing, and then pressing down again.

I moaned into his mouth, my whole body suddenly on fire with the absolute need to have him right then.

“Tay,” I said against his mouth which was kissing me as hungrily.

“Mmm?” He was reluctant to stop, but I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him lightly.

“Shower.”

He scrambled off of me and the bed, kicking his shoes off, then flinging his shirt over his head and across the room. I laughed, getting off of the bed myself and heading to the bathroom, Taylor close behind me, a trail of clothes behind us.

As soon as we were inside the bathroom, Taylor’s mouth was back on mine, his arm reaching out behind me to turn the water on. He pulled the curtain all the way open and moved us both inside, the hot water rolling over us. 

“You just really wanted to get me back in this shower, didn’t you?” Taylor grinned against my mouth, his wet hands moving down my body slowly.

“Caught me,” I leaned into him, wanting my body to be as against his body as I could get it. 

“Developing a shower fetish, babe?” His mouth was on my neck now, his voice muffled, but not enough so that the little pet name at the end didn’t make my stomach tighten and goosebumps pop up on my skin. I didn’t think I could get any harder, but there Taylor went, surprising me with more new things about myself.

He kept working on my neck and I kept working on keeping my moans at a level that didn’t make me feel a bit foolish, my hands roaming his wet body.

“Jesus Christ,” I groaned after a few minutes, one of my hands leaving Taylor and slipping between us. I wanted to relieve some of the tension in my own dick, but when my fingers brushed up against Taylor’s the urge to touch him overwhelmed me, so I did the only thing I could think of and that was wrapping my hand around both of us at the same time. 

It was a little awkward at first and I wasn’t sure exactly how to move my hand or my wrist, but I found what I thought was a decent rhythm and the way he bit down on my shoulder and moaned into it told me that I was correct. 

He backed me up until I was against the tile wall of the shower and pressed one of his hands against it, the cold sending a shiver through my whole body. I leaned my head forward to rest it on his shoulder while I moved my hand over the both of us, just a little bit faster, then a little bit more, until we were both thrusting into my hand and panting into the muggy air of the bathroom. 

I could feel Taylor shifting, but my eyes were shut to prevent the water from rolling into them, and it took me longer than it should have to realize why suddenly his panting had turned to full on, needy groans. 

He was leaning just slightly to the right, his arm wound behind himself, moving jerkily. His eyes were closed like mine had been, his mouth parted just slightly as he whined and groaned. Twenty minutes ago my answer would have been different, but right in that moment I was sure that the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on was Taylor Hanson fingering himself while thrusting into my fist, water droplets running down his face. 

“Holy shit,” I whispered, my hand on the both of us speeding up. His eyes popped open and he gave me a lazy smile, his arm moving a little quicker.

“Want you,” he groaned. “Figured I’d help you out here.”

“Don’t ever stop,” I bit my lip, watching him, and he laughed a little, his laughter quickly replaced by another high moan. 

“But if I don’t stop,” he tilted his head. “How are you going to fuck me?”

“Good point,” I opened my hand and let our dicks fall from my grasp, mine instantly twitching at the lack of contact. I quickly turned us so he was facing the shower wall and ran my hands down his sides. “Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this all these years,” I said quietly. 

I kissed his shoulder, the back of his neck, his other shoulder, and then I was gripping his hips and sliding into him, fire springing up inside of me almost instantaneously. 

They say you’re not supposed to think about anything but the present when you’re making love to the person you’re with, but I couldn’t help but think about where Taylor and I were and where we were going. It took us such a short amount of time to fall head over ass for each other and I was eating up every single second that I had with him. I didn’t want to live one more day without him, not only next to me, but with me the way he was with me now. I never really believed in soulmates before, but I did then.

Taylor brought me out of my thoughts by saying my name, low and gritty and like he needed as much as of me as he could get. I reached around him and took his cock in my hand, stroking him with the same movements I was making inside of him. It took all of three more sounds of his breath to send me over the edge and I leaned forward and bit down just slightly on his shoulder, grunting as I came and then finishing him off. I knew for sure I’d never get tired of the way he said my name when he came or the look of pure bliss on his face afterwards.

We cleaned each other up and wrapped ourselves in towels, going back out into the hotel room. I dressed quickly and sat on the end of the bed, watching him compare two outfits side by side and smiling at his indecisiveness. When he finally decided on which shirt to wear with which pair of tight jeans, he pulled them on. Watching him basically dance into his clothes was another small joy that being with him like this brought me that I didn’t know I was missing out on, and I decided that I’d do whatever I had to to make sure I never had to live another day where I didn’t get to watch Taylor squeeze himself into a pair of jeans that probably could afforded another size up, but still looked deathly sexy on him. 

“Hey,” I said, his head turning up to look at me. I smiled and shrugged. “I love you, I just wanted you to know.”

The smile that sprung onto his face was enough to bowl me over, but it didn’t have to, because within a second he was across the room, his arms around me, both of us falling back onto the plush bed.

“Me too,” he said against my mouth. “I mean, I love you too.”

We rolled onto our sides and looked at each other, and something in the easiness of the moment reminded me of the difficulties of our past that would likely spring up into our future.

“What if it all becomes too much? What if you realize one day that a relationship with me isn’t what you really need? It will be complicated and-”

“No,” he put one finger to my lips and smiled, shaking his head. “None of that matters, okay? This thing with us is perfect, I’ve never felt like this before…ever,” he moved his finger from my mouth and brushed my hair out of my face. “I love you exactly as you are, nothing could ever be bad enough to change that. Not now.”

I couldn’t respond, so I leaned in and kissed him again, smiling at the little sigh he gave at the contact. I didn’t know how to explain to him that who I was right then was largely in part of who he was and how I felt when he was near me, so I communicated it to him the only way I knew how - by showing him.


	14. Chapter 14

It was our last night in Tulsa and we were gathered around on Isaac’s back patio watching his kids run around on the lawn. They were shouting and squealing and we’d periodically stop talking to just watch them and laugh. 

“Remember having that much energy?” I looked over at Taylor and grinned.

“Barely,” he laughed. 

“I think I’m gonna grab another beer, anyone need anything?” Isaac stood up and stretched, heading towards the door.

“I’ll take another glass of wine, honey,” Mom smiled at him, holding out her empty glass.

“Want another one?” Taylor tilted his head at me. “Wanna just share one?”

“Sounds good,” I shrugged, nodding at Isaac.

“Aren’t they precious?” Mom was staring across the yard at the kids, a smile on her face. “I’m so happy to have the whole family back together,” she turned to me. “I just know that someday you’re gonna give us a few of these,” she tilted her head towards the kids and then smiled again. “I just wish I didn’t have to wait so long.”

I stared at her blankly, working to get the temper that she’d immediately flared up inside of me in check. Taylor let out a muffled laugh from next to me and that helped to diffuse my anger, but it didn’t last long.

“I’m not getting any younger, dear. And frankly, neither are you,” Mom continued, apparently completely unaware of the fact that she was bringing me to my boiling point. “If you keep this silliness of bachelorhood up, it’s going to be too late eventually. You’re in New York now, there must be hundreds of acceptable, available women there, I just don’t know why-”

“I know that you know Zac is gay,” Taylor was still laughing, an incredulous look on his face. Mom’s gaze moved to him and she waved her hand in between them.

“Zac isn’t gay. He’s stubborn. Doesn’t want to jump back in after he allowed that wonderful woman to leave him,” I felt the color draining from my face just as I felt Taylor stiffening next to me. We hadn’t gotten around to discussing that, as far as I knew he didn’t even know that my ex-wife existed. “You know, I actually spoke to Kate’s mom just the other day. Her and that husband of hers are expecting their first baby any day now, isn’t that just wonderful? You never should have let that one go, Zachary, that could be you right now.”

“What?” Taylor was staring at me now. I turned to look at him, he was frowning, his eyebrows drawn tightly together. I shook my head slowly, sighing.

“I was going to tell you…it just never seemed like the right time.”

“You were married?” He whispered, his head shaking just barely from side to side. “For how long?”

“Oh, five years,” Mom answered for me. “She was just lovely, I still can’t wrap my head around where they went wrong. She adored your brother-”

“It went wrong because I’m gay, Mom,” I pushed my chair back and stood up. “I’m not having this conversation again. I know you don’t like it, I know you don’t even understand it. But, neither of those things changes the fact that I am gay. I don’t want to find another woman, I don’t want to marry her and have children, and I don’t wish it was me with Kate. I think it’s great that she moved on and found a guy who wasn’t wishing she had a few extra parts every time he lays down next to her at night.”

“Zachary!” My mom’s fake outrage fueled gasp did nothing but fuel the hostility she was brewing inside of me. 

“Zachary, nothing, mother,” I hissed. “I’m so sick of this shit with you. I really thought bringing Taylor back would help to change you, but obviously I was wrong.”

“I don’t think that I’m the one with the problem, honey.”

“I can’t do this, not tonight,” I shook my head and turned for the door just as Isaac was coming back out with Mom’s wine and the beer. 

“What’s going on?” He looked from my red face to Taylor’s confused one, then to our mothers offended one.

“Nothing, same shit as always,” I huffed. “Thanks for the food and the drinks, but I need to get out of here.”

“What? Seriously?”

“I can’t have this fight with her again, Ike,” I shrugged. “Thank you again, but I have to go.”

I turned to Taylor and widened my eyes, asking him silently if he was coming with me. 

He quietly pushed his chair out and looked between Isaac and our mom, shaking his head.

“Thanks, Ike,” he said quietly. “I, uh, had a good time.”

“Can I at least drive you guys to the airport in the morning?” Isaac was still standing with the drinks in his hands, a deep frown on his face.

“We have the rental,” I shook my head. “Why don’t you come visit us in the city soon?” I turned to look at my mom. “Thanks, Mom. It was good seeing you…until it wasn’t. As always.”

\- - - - -

When we got back to our room it was only a little after 11:30, but I was exhausted.

I peeled my clothes off and climbed under the blankets, nuzzling into Taylor when he joined me.

“I missed Oklahoma,” I said into his neck. “But I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.”

“Is she always like that?” He put an arm around me, his hand warm on my back.

“Pretty much,” I sighed. “She has her moments.”

“It was hard, you know…not to defend you.”

“You don’t need to defend me against her, I’m used to her shit by now.”

He was quiet for a minute and then he shifted onto his back, his eyes on the ceiling.

“About what she said…do you want that? You know, the kids thing?”

“I mean…yeah?” I turned my head to look at him, but he kept looking at the ceiling. “Don’t you?”

He paused for a long time, or for what felt like a long time, but probably wasn’t, and then quietly said “no,” before rolling over to face away from me.

\- - - - -

A glance at the clock told me it had been a little more than twenty minutes since Taylor had rolled over and neither of us had said a single word since.

It hadn’t occurred to me that maybe these things were things we should have been discussing, the only thing I’d been thinking about since Taylor came back was the fact that he was there and that I didn’t want him to _not_ be there again. The rest seemed like small potatoes when placed up against the shaky nature of his presence in my life. But suddenly I realized that it wasn’t small, these things were big deals - deal _breakers_ in some instances - and we’d need to find common ground eventually. We’d need to learn all of these little details about each other in order to have the confidence that we could do this together.

“Tay?” I finally said quietly, putting a hand on his arm. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, not moving.

“Roll over.”

“I’m tired.”

“Come on, Tay,” I sighed, pulling on his arm lightly. “Roll over.”

He let out his own sigh and then turned over onto his back, turning his head so he was looking at me. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then he sighed again, brushing his hair back.

“I don’t know why I just assumed without us saying it that we wanted the same things.”

“I want you?” I hadn’t meant for it to be a question, but it had turned out that way anyway. His eyes were slowly moving in between mine and I could tell that there was a lot he had rolling around inside his head, but none of it was anything that he wanted to say. 

“This is crazy, Zac,” he sighed again and I quickly realized that I was growing to hate that sound. “Why would we ever think that this could work?”

“Because it can,” I said quietly. “I don’t need kids,” I shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t need anything…just this.”

I reached out and put a hand on his arm and he frowned, bringing his own hand up to cover mine. We stayed like that for a few seconds and then he squeezed my fingers and let go, pulling his arm back and resting his hand on his chest.

“I don’t know if I can be the reason for you missing out on anything else.”

“You’ve never-”

“I made you lose your brother,” he cut me off, shaking his head. “I let Mom and Dad down and they kicked me out and you grew up without me. I took your brother from you, I’m not going to take your kids from you too.”

“Tay, we’re talking about hypothetical kids here, we’re not talking about anything that exists, you can’t just-”

“Do you want them or not, Zac?” He turned his head to look at me again. “Tell me right now, do you want kids? When you see your future, do you see a couple of little yous running around in a backyard somewhere? With a picket fence? Maybe a pickup truck in the driveway? Because I know with certainty that I don’t want any of those things. I’m never _going to_ want any of those things. I want you, but that’s not going to change any of the rest of it. I can’t make myself want something that I know I don’t…not for you or for anyone else.”

I couldn’t force myself to answer him. I knew inside of me that if Taylor didn’t want those things and it came down to it, I’d choose him. I’d spent long enough without him that I knew that having him was more important to me than anything else, but I couldn’t get my mouth to form the words to tell him that. He sighed again and looked at the ceiling and then hoisted himself up and out of my bed. 

He’d gotten his jeans on and was working on his shirt when I finally kicked myself into gear and sat up.

“Tay, don’t leave again.”

“I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to lay here in silence while we both stew on this,” he buttoned the last button on his shirt and looked down at me. “I’m not _leaving_ , I’m just giving us some space so neither of us says anything we regret.”

He leaned down and kissed me quickly on the side of my mouth and then pushed his feet into his shoes.

“I’ll be back,” he didn’t quite meet my eyes when he grabbed his phone and wallet from the nightstand and shoved them into his pockets. “I’m just going to take a walk.”

“We have an early flight,” I said quietly, all of me wanting him to just get back into bed with me. I’d never known what it felt like to be completely codependent on someone before, but I was learning quickly. I wasn’t sure I liked the feeling.

“I know,” he nodded, heading for the door. “I’ll be back, I promise. Just get some sleep.”

He pulled the door open and looked back at me one more time before letting himself out. Coming to Tulsa sounded like such a good idea when it first came up, but the only thought running through my mind then was that I wish we’d never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all knew I couldn't let them be angst free for too long, please don't kill me. For that or for the almost 3 weeks in between chapters here. As always, hearing what you think feeds my little writing demons. <3


	15. Chapter 15

I had no idea when I finally fell asleep, but it felt like only minutes when I was pulled out of it by the feeling of someone watching me. 

I opened my eyes and found Taylor sitting on the chair in the corner by the bed, his elbows on his thighs and his chin in his hands, staring at me. 

“Tay,” I pushed myself into a sitting position and shook my hair out of my face. “You’re back.”

“I told you I was coming back,” he said quietly, unmoving.

“I know.”

“Zac, I-”

“You can’t break up with me,” I cut him off. “I mean, you can, but you can’t. I’m not going to let you.”

“What’re you going to do, hog tie me and keep me in the laundry room?”

“If I have to,” I shrugged.

He dropped his hands to his sides and dipped his head down. It took me a little too long to process the fact that he was laughing, and then even longer for me to force my mouth to make sounds.

“I don’t see anything funny here,” I finally said, shaking my head. He looked up at me then, still laughing, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I spent hours walking around thinking about ending this and going back home without you and…just _being_ without you, I guess,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to do that.”

“Me either,” I sighed. “I don’t need kids, I don’t need any of it…can we just-”

“Stop,” he said, standing up and walking over to the bed. He sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. “Neither of us needs to change ourselves for each other, we just have to meet in the middle. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I was trying to think of something equally comforting to say to him when there was a quick knock at the door, both of us looking at each other with our foreheads scrunched up.

“It’s eight in the morning,” Taylor mumbled, standing and walking over to the door and flipping the bar back to pull it open. “Ike, hey.”

“Hey,” Isaac stepped into the room and looked around. His eyes lingered on the one bed for a beat longer than normal and then he looked up at me. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” I tossed the blanket back and got out of the bed, picking up my clothes from yesterday and quickly pulling them on. “I’m fine, she’s just…” I groaned. “Ike, she’s insufferable, I can’t-”

“You guys want to tell me what’s really going on here?” He interrupted, leaning against the closed door. “I mean…what I want you to tell me is that I’m crazy,” he let out a small laugh, but it didn’t sound all that amused. “I’ve been seeing things, you know? Between you. And I’m really confused, I-”

“Ike,” I said, shaking my head. My heart was thumping inside my chest so quickly I was almost sure they could hear it. “It’s-”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing,” he frowned at me. “I know when we were kids you two were closer than you were with me…but I’ve put in my time, I spent the last almost twenty years putting in my time with you,” he turned to Taylor. “And I would have with you, but you were gone, and I was all Zac had, and I don’t mean this to hurt you, you’re my brother but…” he shook his head and lifted his arms before dropping them quickly to his sides again. “I don’t know you. _Zac_ doesn’t know you. You’re a stranger to us now, and I’m worried about…whatever it is that’s going on here.”

“He’s not a stranger to me,” I said quietly. 

“You think I’m using him,” Taylor spoke up, taking a couple of steps towards me. “I see what you’re getting at, big rich lawyer comes looking for his wayward brother, finds him working at a coffee shop in the city. Brother hears lawyer and dollar signs flash behind his eyes. You think I’m manipulating him and using him, I-”

“I didn’t say that,” Isaac cut in. “Look, when you guys left last night, I spent hours going around it all in my head. I felt like an insane person. I was trying to put the pieces together in a way that they could mean anything else…but they can’t,” he shook his head again. “No matter how you lay them down, they spell out the same thing, every single time.”

“I think I can speak for both of us when I say we never meant for this to happen, in fact, if I had known who he was when we met in the city, I’d never have-”

“What?” Isaac stood up straight and looked at me. “You didn’t tell him?”

“I-”

“Wow, Zac,” Isaac scoffed. “You’ve…you’ve done some shit in your life, but entrapping your older brother is pretty high on the what the fuck list.”

“I- it wasn’t- I-” I felt like a complete idiot. I couldn’t even get my brain to force my mouth to make a sentence. I had no way to defend myself, and maybe that’s because there was no defense of what I had done. Taylor and I had moved past it, and yet here it was, back at our feet. 

“Do you two…” Isaac waved his hand around in front of his face. “You know…do you…” he shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know what? I don’t want to know.”

We all stood there in complete silence for what felt like a year, Isaac’s eyes moving between the two of us, each of our eyes firmly on him. Finally he sighed, shaking his head again, and it felt like a barrier had been broken.

“I don’t want to think about this, I have no idea how to understand or process what the fuck is going on,” his voice was strained and it was making my heart clench even more. “But you,” he turned to me. “Are my little brother, and I’m here for you…it doesn’t matter why. We’ll figure it out.” He turned to Taylor then and frowned. “I feel like I don’t even know you, but I want that to change.”

“You don’t hate us?” There was sand in my throat and you could hear it in my voice, but I couldn’t care about that. I was so afraid he would storm out of that hotel room and never look at me again, I couldn’t lose another brother.

“Hate you?” He looked back at me. “Short of killing my family, there isn’t anything you could do to make me hate you.”

I let out a sigh of relief and dropped my head. I had enough to worry about with Taylor without adding any extra drama with Isaac on top of it. I was so relieved that suddenly I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. 

I could feel both Taylor and Isaac looking at me as if I’d lost my mind, and maybe I had, but I couldn’t control it. I just laughed, loud, messy, hiccuping laughter. 

“Oooooooookay,” Taylor finally said, grabbing my elbow. “We really need to get our shit together, we have to get to the airport.”

“Is that offer to come visit you guys still on the table?” Isaac asked, moving his hand to the door knob and turning it.

“Of course,” I said at the same time that Taylor said ‘please.’

“Hows next week? I know it’s soon but…I feel like it’s important.”

“Next week sounds perfect,” I smiled sadly, suddenly not wanting to leave here, only because I didn’t want to leave things with Isaac rocky. Looking at him, I knew that we’d make it through this as brothers, we’d always made it through everything else that had come our way together. 

“I’ll run it by Nikki, shouldn’t be a problem.”

I nodded and he pulled the door open. He said his goodbyes and then let himself out, leaving Taylor and I alone, both of us silently deciding not to talk about any of it anymore.

 

 

We barely spoke while packing our things. We spoke even less on the drive to the airport. Not at all through security or while we were sitting in the terminal waiting to board. Without a word, Taylor moved to the side so I could slide into the window seat, he sat next to me, pulled his headphones out of his carryon, shoved it under the seat in front of him and perched them on his head. 

One long, silent hour went by while we were in the air and then he slipped his fingers through mine and when I looked over at him he was smiling softly at me. He shrugged a shoulder and tightened his grip on my hand, looking at me for another couple of seconds before refocusing his eyes on the seat in front of him, his head bobbing along to whatever music was coming through his headphones.

We were silent for a little while longer and then Taylor slipped his headphones off and leaned over, his lips landing right by my ear.

“Ever heard of the mile high club?” He whispered, his breath fanning out over the side of my face. I nodded, not moving. “Ever thought about joining?”

A chill ran through me and I felt my body tense in my seat, his other hand coming up to my jaw.

“I’m going to get up and I’m going to walk to the back of the plane. I’m going to go into the bathroom, and you’re going to join me there in two minutes,” he kissed me lightly right underneath my ear and then whispered again. “If you want to, that is. If not, I’ll be back here in five, and we wont talk about it again.”

He moved away from me then, getting up and walking away, just like he said he would. Fifty thoughts flew through my head all at once, ranging from ‘no, you absolutely can not have sex in an airplane full of people,’ to ‘you would be an absolute idiot to let this moment pass you by, get up and get in there.’

I sat there for another minute or so and then took a breath, standing from my seat and moving into the aisle of the plane. On my way back I was sure every single person I passed was looking at me, knowing exactly what it was I was about to do. By the time I reached the door to the bathroom my face was burning and my chest was thumping and - to be quite clear - my dick was absolutely _throbbing_ inside of my jeans.

When I made it to the bathroom door I wasn’t sure what the protocol was. Do I just stand here and wait, do I knock? I decided to do something kind of in the middle and just tapped my fingers lightly on the door for a few seconds. I heard the lock on the door flip and I took another breath, pulling it open just enough to slide inside.

Squeezing two grown men into an airplane bathroom wasn’t something I’d ever considered doing before, so I had no preconceived notions about how difficult it might or might not be, but the second I stepped foot inside I was made aware that it was on the harder side.

We were instantly chest to chest, our bodies pressed together, and I was pleased to feel that Taylor was just as hard as I was, his jean clad erection pressed firmly into mine.

“We can’t be in here too long,” he said quietly, his fingers going to the button on my jeans. They were opened and pushed down, his own pants pushed down to his ankles before I could even think about taking them off myself. “You’re ready for me, huh?” He wrapped his hand around both of our cocks, moving it back and forth slowly. “This’ll never get old,” he groaned softly. 

He let go, turning around slowly, his eyes meeting mine in the cloudy mirror above the sink. He bent, resting his arms on tiny sink, and then smiled.

“Come on, Zac,” he said. “Let’s get out your aggression.”

Something about the words and the way he said them made an inferno roll through me, my stomach instantly clenching, my cock throbbing even harder, a tiny heartbeat that was echoing in between my ears. Aggressive wasn’t exactly a word I would assign to our sex, but he wasn’t wrong in saying I had some I needed to let out. 

I grabbed his hip with one hand, my cock in the other, and lined myself up with him, the head of my dick pushing into him, the resistance enough to make my eyes squeeze shut.

“Don’t you need me to-”

“No,” he said. “Just do it.”

I gripped his hip a little harder and pushed into him all the way. With every centimeter, his body fought against me, and then I was filling him up and he relaxed against me and the only word I could think of for it was bliss.

My hand went from my own dick to his, pumping him a few times before I could gather the strength to move inside of him. I guess I was taking a little too long for him, because he pushed his hips forward and then slowly pushed them back again, a guttural moan leaving my mouth before I could do anything to stop it.

“You’re gonna have to try to be a little more quiet than that,” Taylor groaned quietly, repeating his motion. “You’re really bad at taking out your aggressions if this is how you do it?”

“Oh yeah?” I looked at him in the mirror, tilting my head a little.

“You heard me,” he grinned back, lifting his eyebrows quickly.

“Alright,” I said quietly. I squeezed his hip harder, my fingernails digging in just a little bit and pulled almost all the way out of him before slamming back into him.

“Fuck,” he hissed almost silently. “Better…”

I moved in and out of him quickly, biting down on my lip to keep from screaming his name, every nerve ending in my body lighting up as he writhed in front of me, his thrusts meeting mine with precision. Within a minute my body was vibrating and pulsing, my stomach hot and tight with the need to let go. I moved my hand on him quicker, both of us breathing erratically. I was positive that if there were anyone waiting outside the door they could hear our low groans, the way my skin was hitting his, maybe even the pounding inside my head. Honestly, I couldn’t even say I cared if they did.

We both came, me into him, him all over the sink in front of him, my head swimming so much I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t lose consciousness in that stupidly sized bathroom.

When I was sure I could breathe again without dying, I looked up at him and laughed, smashing my lips against his.

“Whats that for?” He laughed when I backed up. He pulled a hefty amount of paper towels out of the holder and wiped himself and then the sink down, both of us righting our clothes and hair.

“Nothing,” I shrugged. “See you out there.”

I flipped the lock and pushed the door open, stepping back into the aisle of the plane and making my way back to my seat. Less than a minute later he joined me and reached over and took my hand, smiling and leaning back in his seat.

“I don’t care who has a problem with it,” he said. “I’m doing that until I die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all, I didn't really know it before today but airplane sex is weird to write. I hope it holds up and didn't disappoint. As always, I love hearing what y'all think! <3


	16. Chapter 16

“Do you think we should go grocery shopping or something?” Taylor poked his head into the bedroom, startling me. I was standing in front of the open closet, towel wrapped around my waist, staring blankly at all of my clothes.

“What?” I shook my head. “Grocery shopping?”

“Yeah,” he stepped into the room and moved towards me. “I mean, we have no food.”

“That,” I pointed at him and then looked back at the closet. “Is why takeout exists.”

“Right,” he laughed. “But Ike is coming for two days and we have nothing for him to _eat_.”

“This is kind of domestic of you,” I looked back at him, pulling a t-shirt off its hanger. “It’s kind of hot.”

We’d been completely insatiable since we’d gotten home from Tulsa. When one or both of us wasn’t at work, you could probably find us in bed, nine out of ten times sans clothes. I don’t know what it was, but it was suddenly as if we had to be touching at all times or we’d shrivel up and die right there…and I wasn’t complaining. 

“I have to jump in the shower,” he looked towards the bathroom. “Want to join me?”

“I just,” I motioned down at the towel around me. “Took a shower.”

“So?” He grinned and walked by me, swiping the towel off of my waist and walking into the bathroom with it. I shook my head and grinned, grabbing a pair of jeans from the closet and tossing them and the t-shirt on the bed. I heard the water start and the shower door open and then close as I pulled socks and boxers from my dresser and tossed the socks down next to the shirt and pants. I was just about to step into my boxers when I heard it, the unmistakable sound of Taylor moaning from the bathroom.

It was loud and exaggerated, exactly as if he were doing it for me to hear. I stood there for a second, looking towards the opening in the door, a chill running down my body when he loudly moaned my name. 

I grinned, shaking my head. I guess insatiable wasn’t even the word for what Taylor had become. I waited another few seconds, listening to him pleasure himself, my own body reacting in a very positive way. I walked into the bathroom and I could see his blurry form through the fogged up shower door. He was leaning up against the shower wall, stroking himself slowly, the sounds he were making enough to make you believe that this was the best he’d ever felt.

I took another couple of steps into the room and slid the shower door open, our eyes connecting. He grinned lazily at me and then let his mouth fall open, saying my name again. 

“Putting on a show?” It came out a little throaty, a little lower than I meant it to, but he just nodded, moving his hand a little faster over himself. Eventually he looked at me again and smiled.

“Enjoying it?”

I nodded, my hand moving to my own cock all on its own. I pulled on it a few times, some heavy breaths leaving me. 

“Get in here,” he growled low, leaving me nodding and stepping quickly into the shower. I reached for him, but he shook his head, his eyes trailing down my body. “I want to watch you.”

The spray of the shower was hitting the both of us, my hand moving more easily over my cock. I sped up my movements just a little, heat spreading throughout my stomach when Taylor moaned out in approval.

“Get off for me, Zac,” he demanded, his own hand slowing down to a lazy back and forth. 

I swallowed, stroking myself. I reached over and this time he let me touch him. I ran my hand down his chest, across his hips. 

“Does that feel good?” 

I nodded, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. I could safely say that I’d never jerked myself off to the point of orgasm in front of someone else before, but I could already feel it coming, the mix of his glistening skin and the water hitting us and the way he was talking to me causing a low boil inside of me.

“Do you do this? When I’m not around?”

“Yeah,” I groaned, stroking myself quicker. 

“Are you thinking about me when you do it?” His own hand was moving a little faster now, a red tint covering his cheeks. The grit in his voice was one of the hottest thing I’d ever heard, my dick throbbing in my hand. I nodded, gripping his waist, my hips rocking into my own hand. “After we met,” his words were breathy now, bookended by moans. “God, Zac, after we met, I couldn’t control it. Every time I closed my eyes you were there.”

“Yeah?” I breathed. My stomach was tightening and it was becoming harder to to keep my movements steady. I was stroking myself so fast my arm was starting to pulse, but I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from riding this out.

“I’d get in the shower and I’d picture you. Water running over you,” he breathed. “I’d think about what it would be like…when I finally got to fuck you.”

“Oh my God,” I groaned. My nails were digging into his hip, I was holding onto him for fear of my legs giving out from underneath me.

“I’ve never come like that by myself before. Just picturing you bent over in front of me, my dick sliding in and-”

“Oh my god, Tay,” I came, shooting my load all over the front of him, the whole way through, him detailing his erotic imaginings of before we’d been together in that way. He came right after, resting his forehead against mine when we were done.

“I fucking love you,” he said after a few seconds of us getting ourselves under control. “Like, a lot.”

“You should,” I moved my head so I could kiss him quickly before rinsing myself off. “Since I am the best you’ve ever had, and all.”

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed my towel, drying myself down.

“Is that what you took out of that?” He laughed, stepping out with me.

“Yes,” I grinned, wrapping the towel around my waist. “And now, because you’re such a horny teenager, we’re going to be late picking Ike up.”

 

 

We made it to the baggage claim area right as Isaac was walking towards it. He smiled and waved, pulling a small carry-on sized suitcase behind him. 

“You guys look…” he shook his head, lifting an eyebrow. “Really happy.”

He wasn’t wrong. We’d spent the entire trip to the airport laughing and joking, it was hard to believe that not so long ago there was the thought that we’d go out separate ways. 

“We’re happy people,” Taylor shrugged, grinning. “You have a bag to wait for?”

“Nah,” Isaac motioned towards his carry-on. “I pack light.”

We made our way back to the car and piled in, Isaac remarking several times on New York traffic sucking. We lead him up to the apartment, discussing what we’d order for dinner, and then let him in, giving him the grand tour of the whopping barely three rooms.

“So, you both live here,” he said, looking around once we’d landed back in the kitchen.

“Yep,” I nodded, walking to the fridge and taking out three beers, handing one to each of them and then opening my own.

“And there’s only one bedroom,” he said, looking towards it.

“Right,” Taylor said.

Isaac opened his beer and took a large sip, sliding onto one of the chairs around the kitchen island. He took another large sip and then put the beer down on the counter.

“You guys are totally fucking, aren’t you?” He lifted the beer off the counter again, pouring another large amount into his mouth. “That’s the only way I knew how to say that,” he said once he swallowed.

“Well,” I said. “I could think of about eight better ways you could have said it…but,” I shrugged, taking a sip of my own beer. “Yeah, we are.”

I looked over at Taylor who was kind of just hovering at the corner of the island looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole, then back at Isaac. He drained the rest of his beer into his mouth and then looked between us.

“You know what?” He lifted his hands and shrugged, letting them slap his thighs on the way back down. “You could both do worse. Better, too,” he smirked. “But…not my dick, not my problem.”

I blinked at him a couple of times and then I felt it come up from my stomach, a rolling laugh that I haven’t felt in a long time. Taylor started next, and then Isaac, and then before I knew what was happening, all three of us were bent forward, gasping for breath, laughter filling up the entire room.


	17. Chapter 17

“Come back soon,” I pulled Isaac in for a hug, squeezing him a little tighter than I normally would. “Actually, why don’t you, Nikki and the kids just move here?”

“Right,” Isaac laughed, pulling away from me. “I don’t think Nikki is itching to raise two kids in New York City…or triple our mortgage.”

“Well, we loved having you here,” Taylor smiled, stepping up and wrapping his arms around Isaac. “Seriously, come back any time.”

“And you two, you’re gonna be alright, right?” Isaac popped the handle on his carry on and wrapped his fingers around it. 

“Of course,” I nodded. “As long as we’re far away from Mom, we’ll be just fine.”

Isaac laughed again and shook his head. “Well, I’m gonna miss boarding if I don’t run. Thanks for having me, that’s the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

We said goodbye and then Taylor and I watched Isaac walk around the corner and into security to start his journey back to Tulsa, somewhere I was content never to visit again, if I were honest.

“You ready to go home?” I turned and wrapped my arms around Taylor’s waist, pulling him close to me and shoving my hands in his back pockets. “Or you wanna hop on a plane? Go somewhere exotic? Have sex on a beach somewhere far away?”

“Don’t tempt me,” he laughed, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me lightly. “I’d go anywhere with you.”

“You know,” I said, taking his hand and leading him out of the airport. “Maybe we should. Just go somewhere, on a whim. I have over a week before this trial starts and I’m sure Starbucks will give you the time off.”

He looked over at me as if he were contemplating my words and then shrugged. “Yeah, you know what? Let’s do it.”

“Really?” I smiled.

“Yeah, really. Let’s get the hell out of here for a little while.”

 

 

Less than twenty four hours later we were on a beach far away from Manhattan and even further from Oklahoma, fruity frozen cocktails in our hands while we watched the sunset over the water. 

We’d gone home and gotten online, finding the most affordable five day getaway we could and booked it right then and there, packing a couple of bags and going to sleep like two kids waiting for Santa to come on Christmas Eve. 

I’d never really gone anywhere in my life except for the place I was born and then to New York, but I found that now that I had Taylor back and now that I had finally found what true happiness felt like, I wanted to go everywhere. And I wanted to do it with him. 

“Come on,” Taylor said, putting his drink down on the little table between our beach chairs. He stood up and took mine from my hand and placed it next to his and then pulled me to my feet in the sand. “Let’s go in the water.”

We walked to the shoreline and then Taylor stopped, tightening his grip on my hand.

“I, uh…I should tell you something first.”

“What?” I pulled on his arm, trying to get him to move further, but he was stock still.

“I don’t…actually know how to swim.”

“You don’t…what?” I shook my head.

“You never noticed when we were kids that I only went in the shallow end?” He looked at me, his cheeks reddened. “I never quite figured it out and since I’ve been in New York…I’ve never even been in a pool. I never learned.”

“It’s okay,” I laughed, shaking my head again. “Come on, I won’t let you drown.”

I pulled him into the water until it was up to our chests and I pulled him close to me, pulling his face down so I could kiss him. “See,” I said in between kisses. “I wont let you drown.”

“Zac Hanson,” he smiled against my mouth. “My hero.”

 

 

I was towel drying my hair later that night, waiting for Taylor to get out of the shower so we could go to dinner, when my phone rang. I grabbed it off the table in the corner and saw it was my Mom, my finger hovering over the answer button, and then Taylor came out of the shower, a towel wrapped low around his waist, his hair dripping onto his shoulders, and I clicked the decline button, shutting the phone off and tossing it back down on the table.

“Who was that?” He asked, walking over to the bed and throwing himself down onto it. “I’m exhausted, I don’t even know if I have the energy for dinner.”

“It was no one,” I shrugged, walking over and laying down next to him. I turned onto my side and ran my hand down his stomach, flicking the little knot he’d tied the towel in so that it came undone. 

I moved over him, opening the towel and kissing a line down his stomach, stopping when I’d almost reached my destination. I looked up at him and grinned. “You have energy for this?”

He lifted his head off the pillow to look down at me and shook his head, laughter bubbling up in his throat. “I _always_ have energy for this.”

I took him in my mouth, instantly feeling his mostly hard dick swell completely. He sighed, gently putting his hands in my hair, his fingers tangling up in the strands.

“I’ll never get tired of this,” he whispered, his hips bucking up into my mouth just slightly as I moved my head up and down, flicking my tongue over the head of his cock because I liked the little noise it always made him make.

He moved his hands to my shoulders and pulled me up and I slid my body up his, my own towel that was still wrapped around my waist from my shower falling away in the process. 

“I need you inside me,” he said huskily. “Or I think I’ll die right here in this bed.”

“Well we don’t want that,” I ran a hand down his leg, hooking it around my waist. “We don’t want that at all.”

When I slid into him, all of me filling up all of him, and he sighed my name, pulling my mouth down to his, I knew it didn’t matter where I was, whether it was Tulsa or New York City or an Island in the Caribbean, as long as he was with me it was right where I wanted to be.

 

 

“You know,” Taylor said, taking a bite of one of the cheeseburgers we’d ordered from room service. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“Oh yeah?” I wiped my greasy hands on a cloth napkin, wondering why places insisted on handing them out. I always felt guilty messing them all up. “Bout what?”

“All of it,” he shrugged, putting the burger down and taking a sip out of his soda. “This,” he waved between us. “You and me, Mom, the kids thing.”

“Yeah?” I cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “And if you want kids, I could come around to the idea. Not like, right now. But, someday.”

“You could?” 

“Yeah, like I said before,” he shrugged again, just one shoulder this time. “If it’s that important to you and it’s something you want, then it’s a part of who you are, and I love you,” he smiled. “Just as you are, and I want all of the things that you want.”

“God,” I breathed. “How are you so amazing? Just how?”

“Except,” he held a hand up. “Ever seeing Mom again. That’s where I draw the line.”

I barked out a laugh, pushing the room service tray to the end of the bed and laying down next to him, pulling him on top of me.

“I wish it didn’t take me so long to come after you.”

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, running his fingertips down my back. “We’re here now, and forever.”

“Forever?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, leaning his face up and kissing me quickly before letting his head drop back down to the pillow. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Being stuck had never sounded better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEK I'm sorry that this took so long, I was battling with myself internally on whether or not to wrap this story up with this chapter or keep it going so it made it impossible for me to actually _write_ the chapter. As you can see, I went with the former. In the end it was just what felt right and I wanted these guys to have a happy ending and no more angst thrown their way. I hope you can forgive me for the long wait and I hope you like this (maybe a little cheesy) ending. <3


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